What a difference a week makes....

Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

I am sure that by now you will all have seen the visions of our (Time) Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch* which have been liberated from the Island of the Man. I fear for the sanity of the costume designer on the set of Decoy Bride. Perhaps she felt that by cladding the Ten-inch in tartan and teaming this with a paisley shirt, she would cause permanent damage to the eyesight of the fangals. Not likely, the Sisters donned their Wayfarers and perved away to their heart's content.

It seems that working away suits our Lord as he looks relaxed and refreshed when compared to the recent visions from All my Sons and Legally Blonde. It seems clear that the absence of the energy-sucking limpet and her small offspring has given the Lord time to recuperate and return to his most gorgeous best. His hair looks shiny and ruffleable once more, his skin has improved and his developing wrinkles have retreated for the time being. There is a move to his native land shortly to continue the filming and I am sure that the late sleep-ins coupled with the natural scottish air will continue to refresh our Lord until he must return to that hell-hole of Londoom and the dreary luvvie world of the davison-moffett wannabies.

As the collective praying worked for the visions, I suggest that this week we go for a congregation on the Sabbath and pray for the ten-inch to come to its senses, wake up and smell the bullshit and finally leave the child for a proper woman. Sisters, Acolytes and Followers you know what to do. Altogether Now .... three...two...one...

"leave her...leave HER...LEAVE HER!!!!!"

Tennant x

Summer Lovin' ...

Sisters et al

I am given to writing this on my newly acquired Blackcurrant so forgive it's brevity and lack of craven images to worship. I will endeavour to add such beauties when I can surgically remove the daughter of satan from the laptop of holiness.

So it seems our Lord *praise be his name and Teninch* is sojourning is the Isle of the Man for a few weeks shagging the locals, who despite the name of their abode have never seen such a fine specimen of a male in quite some time. Some of these lucky females will even get paid for the privelige of appearing on screen with the Teninch. Let's hope that the script calls for many shirtless occasions, a few shower scenes and at least one serious shag!

Talking of the Lord's work, it has also been revealed this week that Fright Night will be released in 3D. How many bloomers will be destroyed as females around the globe find the Teninch coming towards them in the front row of the cinema. I for one will be sat there with my mouth open!

So as my thumbs develop cramp from typing on the blackcurrant's miniscule keys, I bid you adieu. Come on England (sorry to our US followers) and come on Andy! Sadly the Lord won't be at Wimbleborough this year :(

Tennant

Bye Bye May...

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

May has been a time of turmoil and troubles for the Sisters and hence we apologise for the lack of blogs. It is good to see the end of this month which has seen the satanic marriage of Dave and Nick resulting in chaos in local LALAland services for the wee ones. You will be pleased to hear that the Sisters are rounding off this month of mayhem with a pilgrimage to Welsh Wales. We will be paying homage to the Teninch at the exhibition of all things Who and smashing any craven images of the Child which we stumble upon.

We thank all the Acolytes for babysitting the kiddies in our absence and reward you with the lovely visions above.

Talking of lovely visions, I pushed the on-button on my 40" altar last eve to hear the voice of our Lord *praise be his name and teninch* pontificating about the phenomenon that is Harry Potter. Turning around at the sound of his dulcet glasgweigan drawl, Hallelujah! There he was in all his glory, sitting on the stairs, looking for all the world like a little boy kept out of the grown-ups party in the living room. Perhaps he had just put the Child to bed and was waiting for her to stop crying prior to joining the adults for the rest of the evening!

We are pleased to see the Lord seems to be filling his diary for the next few months with filming committments. We notice that his co-stars are becoming ever-more glamourous: Suranne Jones >>> Alice Eve >>> Thandie Newton. The Teninch must be in hogs heaven surrounded by such beauty and talent and should be very perky on set. We wouldnt be surprised to find some extra-curriculum activity occurring over the hot summer months - the Lord is away from home... the Teninch restless... the evenings are balmy... the pink champagne slips down... Beverley Craven is playing on the stereo... Need I continue?

Leaving you with that image... I will bid you all farewell until we returneth from Caerdydd.

Tennant be with you now and forever

xxxxx

Happy Birthday Lord

Yes, of course, today has been the day that we celebrate our Lord's twenty-nineteenth birthday. We trust that He has spent the day in commune with his wondrous family in the place of his birth as befits such an auspicious occasion and that he has eschewed the company of a common fame-hunter and her wretched hangers-on.

In celebration of the Lord blessing this earth and all females who do walk upon it, Sister Shagwell and I thought some pictures of our Lord clad in nothing but what his mother and father gave him would be appropriate. However, not wanting to scare the children who may visit this site by accident, we settled on the following.

Happy Tennant Day to one and all

The Sisters

xxxx

Happy Easter to all our followers

Dear Sisters

And so as we exit Lent with an uplifted heart and our souls cleansed, ready for another year of perving the Lord *praise be his name and teninch*, the Lord himself has furnished us with a glimpse of the future.

Some pics of the filming of Single Father in his native Glasgow have been decorating the T'interweb this week and they gladden the Sisters' hearts to see the Lord clad in leather and denim and rolling in the hay with yet another blonde!

There are whispers of concern that the Lord is looking thin(ner) than usual and a little gaunt around the eyes. The picture taken at a recent event with the Child and mother-in-law has caused many fangirls to send food parcels to North London. I want to reassure all the Lord's followers that all is well and it is simply that the Lord has given up eating for Lent. Once he tucks into the deep fried pizzas and Cadbury's creme eggs that his fellow scots enjoy so much he will soon look his usual svelte self.

I regret to say that I will be going into seclusion for part of this week. I must make a visit to the Mother Superior in the wilds of the flatlands of Suffolk for a few days of contemplation and redemption.

I promise to return re-invigorated and ready to once more take up the mantle of serving our Lord David Tennant *praise be his name and ten-inch* to the best of my ability and to unceasingly and without complaint piss off the kiddies on Who's Dating Who!

Lord Teninch Bless you all

Tennant x

"The Ex" is Coming Home

Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

Early this morn the Sisters were in receipt of a missive which doth please our hearts greatly. The Daily Fail did write upon the T'interweb that Sophia Myles (aka 'Soppy' or 'the Biatch') is coming home to Eng-er-land to favour her considerable *talents* upon the set of Spooks, thereby replacing the indomitable Hermione Norris and taking her rightful place beside Richard *Sir Guy of Gisbourne* Armitage. And why doth this please the Sisters so, I hear you cry at your laptops? Well being that you asketh us so politely, I shall tell, though it is a sad story and may upset the wee ones. 


Sophia was a young, blonde actress, lured to the bright lights of the BBC Welsh Wales studio in Cardiff. The BBC kitted her out in a cast-off dress from Dame Helen Mirren and made her snog the Time Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch*. What chance did the poor mite have? After the Lord rode in on a white stallion and saved her from the robot men, He then took his reward from her in the suite at the St David's Hotel and Spa. 

After a couple of years doing the showbiz rounds of premieres (Harry Potter); V Festivals; and charity pop concerts, (although even here the Lord managed some *backstage time* with the scantily clad Pussycat Dolls), it seemed that the couple were destined for each other: a girl who was clearly in love (and who can blame her?) and the Lord Ten-inch who was quite happy with a bit of blonde skirt on his arm.

Then disaster struck! Dun..dun..dun....

Soppy was offered a career in a vamp sitcom across the Pond. Oh what to do? Stay with her Lord and master or let British Airways whisk her away to fame and fortune? Surely the Lord would wait for her? Alas! How wrong she was! No sooner had she unpacked her cases in the hotel room in LALAland than her mobile rang. How dare she get a career in Hollywood before Him! Didn't she realise that He was the famous Actor in this relationship?

It was over. She bought a dog and complained to all her friends about how homesick she was. Her vamp series lasted a while, then got cancelled by crappy, american TV execs and gradually her name faded into the past. The Lord however, went from strength to strength being crowned *greatest Time Lord of all time*. His greatest frustration however, was that no matter how hard he tried, Hollywood doors remained firmly closed to Him. He took a new blonde to keep the Ten-inch entertained and worked all the hours in the week voicing adverts for cheap mobile phone networks and soup-making machines just to keep her in crayons and colouring books.

And now Sophia is BACK! We are anticipating tantrums in Twickers and maybe a *school reunion* or two in the back rooms of the Ivy!

In honour of Soppy's return, the Sisters have corrupted this little ditty from the Eng-er-land Football team...

We still believe, we still believe, we still believe
She's coming home,
She's coming home, She's coming
Sophia's coming home


Tears for Lad dressed in grey
No plans for a wedding day
Stay in bed, drift away
It could have been all
Songs in the street
It was nearly complete
It was nearly so sweet
And now Im singing

Paul Smith on the shirt
Diamond ring still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming


Talk about Sophia coming home
And then one night in the Ivy
They were strong, they had grown
And now I see He's ready for war
She's as good as before
The Lord's ready to score
And the Child is screaming

Paul Smith on the shirt
Diamond ring still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming

We can dance the Lad's dance
We could dance it in France


She's coming home, She's coming home,
Sophia's coming home....

The Passion of the Time Lord

Sisters, Acolytes and followers,


Please forgive the parcity of blog posts as of late. I doubt that I need to remind our fellow followers of pervitudity that we are currently in Lent. Lent is of course the period of the pervitudinal year leading up to that most holy of holydays - Easter, which is previous years has been the traditional time of resurrection of our (Time) Lord *praise be his name and teninch* to the 40" altar.


For those not steeped in the Holy Book of the Ruffle T, the purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Perving Week of the Death and Resurrection of the (Time)Lord. Thus the Sisters have been in seclusion, knelt in penance before the full size statue of the Lord Himself, cleansing their souls in preparation for the re-birth of the Holy Ten-inch in the form of A Single Father.


Conventionally, Lent is described as being forty days long - the length of time that the Lord endured temptation. Now we know that the Ten-inch can no more resist tempation than Sister Shagwell can resist winding up the kiddies, so in honour of all our followers who are mothers, we have broken our perving preparations to bring you a mothers' day smorgasbord of gorgeousness. If any acolyte has given up perving the Lord for Lent - please look away now!

After that I think we all need a bit of lie down, so go take the weight off your pins and sit down and meditate on the wonderfulness that is David Tennant - Lord of all heaven and earth and God of Pervitude.

Tennant xxxxx

The Lord searches for gainful employment

Sisters

Firstly we give thanks for our recently joined acolytes. To the Sisters' surprise we have now reached a grand total of 60. It seems that the Lord continues to attract followers to His Church e'en though he is no longer providing personal sermons from the 40" altar. May our new acolytes gain some semblance of solace and comfort in the House of Pervitude whilst the Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch* seeks gainful employment at the Gordon Brown Centre for Jobs in glorious Crouch End.

As you can see from above he is perusing daily London's Evenin' Standard for a reason to get dressed in the morning. So far he has been turned down for School Crossing Patrol Operative and Pizza Delivery Driver. His options are dwindling so the Sisters have stepped in to assist the Lord in his search.  

We have acquired, through the usual nefarious means, a copy of the Lord's latest CV which he has uploaded to http://www.fish4jobs4luvvies.com/. We felt that a wider publication of His skills and experience might be help to find Him suitable employment.

_________________________________________________________________

Name David Tennant (aka The Lord Ten-Inch)

Age 38 but acts like a teenager on heat most of the time

Skills and Knowledge

Excellent understanding of equality and diversity issues through spending last 4 years travelling in a blue wooden box meeting many diverse cultures.

Excellent with electrical equipment. Ability to fix almost anything with a couple of wires and a sonic screwdriver

Very fit. Always running around. Manual handling may be a problem due to a long standing back injury

Excellent work ethic - never sleep or eat.

Ability to motivate others and engender feelings of love and loyalty in both close work colleagues and wider society.

Able to speak in different accents - Estuary English, Scottish, Welsh and American are most practiced, though will give anything a go. Very popular for answerphones and SATNAV voice-overs.

Ability to make ladies (and gentlemen of a certain bent) to swoon and require an immediate change of bloomers with a single look. Excellent understanding of when to use this ability and when to hide behind aviators and a baseball cap. 

Clean Driving licence (since changing car to a Toymota Penis)

Can start immediately and would consider travel to anywhere for regular work

Experience

Extensive management experience having recruited several new personal assistants in recent past.

Experience of being a radio DJ having stood-in for the mighty Wossy on a number of occasions

Experience of taking clothes off on stage - would consider again in the name of *art*

Considerable childminding experience of late.

Please email me @ davidtennantislookingforwork@hotmail.co.uk with any open positions.Will consider anything.

_________________________________________________________________

Let us pray Sisters that the Lord finds employment that will keep the wolf from the door and Himself away from the school gates for some months to come.

Tennant x x x

Busy doing nothing....

Our Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch* seems to be keeping himself busy doing good deeds and charity work whilst waiting for his call -up from the Colonies.

On Tuesday this week he was to be seen breaking bread and sharing a cup with the needy of the media world at the David Tennant Covers party - sorry I mean the Radio Times Covers Party. He was seen comforting the likes of Jimmy Nesbitt, Graham Norton and Ben Miller with the promise that Doctor Who will no longer grace the front of the RT for fear that the Toddler might scare the kiddies and if Amy were on the front in her belt that body doubles for a skirt, the magazine would need to be placed on the top shelf. We are not sure what was added to his beverage at the event but it had a strange effect on his facial expressions! This was likely to be a clear attempt at sabotage from the more beauty-challenged z list slebs at the party. We also noted with pleasure that Phil Collinson had descended from the Frozen North to attend the soiree. (there is no need to comment who else was there - the pictures were posted in the Holy Book of Sun two days running!)

It seems the Lord may have taken his charitable work a little too far and given nearly all his clothing to the homeless of our fair capital city. Earlier today he was seen lending a hand (and a few bob maybe) to the poor disheartened souls of the Party of the Common Man (and woman). As you can see from the pics he does not appear to have changed his shirt since Tuesday. Perhaps he is broke and has auctioned his attire on a well known internet bargain finding site in order to pay next term's school fees? Maybe Sister Shagwell has finally succumbed to her inner darkest thoughts and nicked them all? Maybe someone on the weird wide wonderweb knows the truth...

The Sisters have heard a rumour that Tosser is down with the flu and the dynamic duo may be in the seat for his Radio 2 show on Saturday. This has not been confirmed, but as the Lord has nothing better to do....

Till the next time Sisters

Tennant x

The Time God is victorious!

Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

Well, what visions we have had of the Lord this week. This Sister has been o'ercome with joy and lustful thoughts brought on by delicious and varied combinations of beard, neck porn and velvet.

Our Lord *praise be his name and teninch* began this pervfest by braving the arctic conditions which nearly brought the country to its knees barely a week ago and venturing out amongst the great unwashed of the West End. Channelling John *sing me a song* Barrowman, He sat amongst his fellow luvvies at the Gala Opening of the Legally (I'm shagging a) Blonde Musical starring the fabulous Sheridan Smith and the former Time Lord and prospective dad-in-law, Peter *I've had xmas dinner with DT* Davison.

New bloomerage was required when the pictures emerged and the Sisters discovered that the Lord's visage was clad in more than designer stubble. Many theories were espoused as to why the beard had emerged including - insulation to keep him warm in the snow; a disguise to keep the more rampant fangirls away; and preparation for a part in  The Hairy Bikers. The Sisters, of course, know the truth. The beard returned because the Lord is first and foremost a Man and therefore too damn lazy to shave everyday if he doesn't actually have to. Some days he doesnt even change out of his pyjama bottoms. Not that the Sisters would complain about seeing that vision buying milk in his local Sainsburys ;)

And so to the main event. The Lord once more graced the National Ten-inch Television Awards yestereve. The lucky Black Velvet DJ was on show, teamed with a currently favoured black shirt this year. He clearly listened to the Sisters and left the albatross at home, so the Sisters were sure that the awards had his name on them.  Unbeknown to us, the Lord had been chosen to present an award to Sir Stephen of the Fry - a moment to be savoured - brains and beauty on the stage at the same time.

Of course, the Lord's adoring public had voted in their thousands to ensure that Doctor Who and the Lord of Pervitude *praise be his name and Ten-inch* were duly awarded their rightful statuettes. The hormonal harridans however, stole the award destined for Captain Slow and the TG boys. I think those Loose Women should look twice before crossing roads in the coming months.

The Lord seemed on particularly good form throughout the proceedings, enjoying a night off the leash. A mischievious look in his eye perhaps betrayed the fact that there had been much quaffing of cherryade in the green room. There was more quaffing at the after show party where, it was reported, Sir Bernard Cribbins congoed many young lovelies in the direction of the Lord. What time the Lord departed Greenwich and which particular lovely caught the attention of the ten-inch remains a closely guarded secret, but as you can see from the last picture... he was worn out the today!

And so I close with some news which was also imparted yestereve. The Lord has withdrawn his services from the little Simon Pegg tale of graverobbers. What this news portends remains clouded in supposition. Has he received a better offer, is NBC holding him to ransom, is he taking over from Wossy at auntie Beeb?Only Smarties have the answer! The rest of the fandom will just have to wait and see.

Till the next post Sisters!

Tennant x

In The Year of our Lord 2010

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

And so we start another year of the Sisters' blog. A year of uncertainty as to what our Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch* has up his most glorious sleeve and when and where we might see him next; a year of excitement rather than predictability; a year of expectation and anticipation. The Sisters are most looking forward to discovering where the Lord's new found freedom from taking care of the space/time continuum might take him both prefessionally and personally.

The Lord has begun the year by taking this new freedom and using it to preach to the great unwashed via that well-known geek bible *Doctor Who Magazine* The magazine is clearly purchased alongside their top shelf reading matter by some of the journos of Her Majesty's Gutter Press as the more red RedTops jumped on the bandwagon and republished his left of centre thoughts about Gordon being clever and Cameron only looking good in a suit! It was noted by the Sisters that the Holy Book of Sun (who have jumped ship in favour of the Tories) did not mention the Lord's words of wisdom!

The Sisters praise the Lord for his steadfast support of the Labour Party in the face of all those liberal luvvies. We do not condemn him for being a Champagne Socialist - He really can't help liking the pink fizzy stuff that Richard *I don't believe it* Wilson introduced him to at such a tender age. We have learned via the tweeting Thunderer journo that he was at a luvvie party on Friday night and fiercely campaigning on behalf of Gordon et al to all who would stand still long enough to listen to him. The Sisters wonder whether his next role will be Labour Election Campaign Front Man? Will we be seeing him on the 40" altar in this year's election broadcasts as he was in 2005? Let's hope so!

In this in-depth interview with the Lord in the blessed DWM, the Lord also speaketh unto the great unwashed on the T'interweb. He has requested that the hopes of the Child are not raised by those who sing her acting praises simply due to her proximity to the Lord as it's not nice when reality bites. Bless! The Sisters will of course assist the Lord in managing the behaviour of the Child by always telling it like it is. He would expect nothing less of us.

Late breaking news has reached the Sisters just as this post was going print that the cigar chewing executives of the Colonies little NBC channel have now witnessed the Lord's greatness in the Rex pilot and indeed commissioned a full series. So the Lord will shortly be jetting off to LALA land for some lengthy period of time. Time, we hope, that the Lord will put to good use *wink*.

One final call to arms Sisters, acolytes and followers, please do not forget to cast your vote for your Lord at the National Ten-inch Awards  (http://www.nationaltvawards.com/). We expect to see the Ten-inch up on the stage dressed in a tux receiving the accolades which are long overdue!

Till the next post!

Tennant x

2010 - The Lord moves on...

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and followers

Our (Time)Lord Ten *praise be his name and Tenninch* has finally passed the keys of the rusty Tardis to the toddler and is moving on. We thank him for the years of alien fighting, weekly magazine articles, full size posters and bendy action figures. Life will be different without seeing his face on cakes in Tesco and underpants in Asda, but the Sisters will survive.

We will follow his every step up the ladder towards that immortal accolade that all actors desire - an Oscar and a lifetime acheivement award at the BAFTAs. We will continue to faithfully report his deeds and misdeeds for the entertainment of ourselves and others. News of the Lord may be hard to come by this year as he sojourns in LA trying to conquer Hollyweird, but armed with our T'interweb followers across the Pond I am sure that he will not escape our sight for too long.

Keep the faith in 2010, I have consulted the Oracle and the Lord will returneth to the Sisters' bosoms by the end of this year. Do not believe the members of Her Majesties Gutter Press - they spread lies and misinformation and are in the pay of the Child and her snake of a father.

Normal Blog Service should return on Sunday 10th January - once this Sister has commiserated her birthday with a very large bottle of Baileys.

Tennant 2010 x

Merry Christmas to all Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! click on the last pic for an extra special Xmas pressie! :)

THE LORD *PRAISE BE HIS NAME AND TENINCH* IS BORN AGAIN!

Tennant xxx