Wednesday, 27 October 2010

the Lord works in mysterious panel game shows

 Dear Sisters,

The Lord left us bemused and confuddled on the night of last Monday with his rather bizarre appearance on what was billed in the most Holy Radio Times (other listing magazines are available) as a "comedy panel show". He was, as always, accompanied by a small blonde of the female persuasion - no not The Child on this occasion but by the very delectable Rita Simons (aka Roxy from Eastbenders).

The camera caught His eye turning to her assets on more than one occasion and he brazened it out by pretending to be intently listening to the crap being spouted about cocks crowing!

The comedy element of this show eluded me, seeming to rely mostly upon a welshman ranting, a giant trying to knock himself out, an australian with a false leg and a weird non-sleb trying to emulate the idiocy of Karl Pilkington. But enough about the non-show. The main event was the Adjudicator, in the person of our Lord David Tennant *praise be his name and Ten-inch*

David was given a little notebook and access to the wilds of the T'nterweb and throughout the show he speaketh from the Book of Web and showed clips from the Holy Visionary YouTubeth. At one point, he got to arm wrestle the idiot and of course lost, prompting fangirls around the globe to shout *wimp* *wimp* *wimp* in unison at the 40" altar.

Why you may ask have I chosen to blog about this rather insignificant little bbc programme when the main event this week was clearly The Lord getting nekkid and jumping into the sack with Suranne Jones on Single Father. Go on then..... ask why?

Oh alright, I'll tell you. The main reason this blog focuses on Ask Rhod Gilbert (who? you ask?) is because i have been unable to download all the Single Father pics - awwwwww. Also it is predicatable that I would blog about seeing the Lord's nipples and chest hair and the wee dimples in his back just above the waistband of his grey Primark boxers. And that once I had started to describe the tender way his lips met those of Suranne and his heavy breathing punctuated his gently thrusting hips, I would be unable to continue this bl.....

just in case we didnt know who he was!

Phoning up the Sisters for a menage a trois?

He looked a bit expert at undoing zips....

Sunday, 10 October 2010

The Lord is a media whore (and we love him for it!)

As the world and her pet micropig know, the Lord *praise be his name and teninch* has been media whoring Single Father around the chat show circuit this week.

We have been variously treated to his dulcit tones on the transistor radio, and his gorgeous visage upon the 40" Altar both for Auntie Beeb and the other, commercial, lot!

When not busy promoting his works, he has been treading the boards with some cronies, doing impersonations of Richard Burton and David Cassidy, reading the most salacious parts of their autobiographies to some fortunate punters in Londoom.

He also graced the Royal Hall of Albert, to support his most faithful disciple John the Barrowman in his little singing show. What japes there must have been in the green room backstage after the show!

Indeed, so industrious has he been since landing back in Londoom from New Mexico, that one wonders where he has found the time to sleep, let alone become re-aquainted with the female in his life. This sister has pondered long on whether the need to spend so much time in the company of others is a defence mechanism against the other option of cosy nights in front of the goggle box watching re-runs of the Bill and Spooks Code 9.

Whatever the reasoning for his workaholic nature, we thank him for the hours of bloomer combusting material that he has released upon an unsuspecting world this past seven-day. With the promise of weeping, wailing and a much over-recorded sex scene to keep us entertained over the forthcoming four Sabbath evenings, I fear that womanhood may never be the same again. Certainly the image of the Lord being covered in micropig excrement is a live TV moment that I shall treasure for sometime to come! Oh to have been the lucky ITV employee who had to cleanse his lap with wetwipes, whilst Robbie Williams was singing *SHAME*!

The Lord has been teasing us this week with the promise of future goodies - a play perhaps, or a film musical? Whatever the future holds for you Lord, the Sisters will be here to ensure the T'internet never forgets you. Trending on Twitter is such an ephemeral accolade - one day David Tennant is #1, the next it's a dweeb from the xfactor - or worse still Anne bloody Widdecombe!

And so with a mere 90 mins remaining before the Lord takes to the 40" altar, I implore the Acolytes to gather unto you boxes of Kleenex, bags of minstrels and your smart phones and await the Lord in all his glory do what he does best!

Tennant x