Sunday, 31 August 2008

She has returned....


I have received news via the instrument of idle gossip that Novice Strumpet is home after being deported from foreign lands. The vessel that delivered her safely to our fold was delayed as the captain wanted to see the last sermon from the book of Blackpool.

Officials from Viva Espania are now talking in tongues of Scot and proclaiming great joy and adoration of our beloved. I do believe that our Novice has "done the lad proud" and truly spread the joyous word of our (Time) Lord.

Word has also reached the Sisterhood that our Lord may choose to appear before the great unwashed of shakeyland and bestow his most holy word upon the writings of ol' Billy boy before he takes to the great thrust altar to deliver the evening sermon from Denmark. I hope that the great unwashed listen with intent at the mutterings of the Divine One and look upon him with revered awe although their eyes should not be worthy to see such vision before them. On your knees, wretched souls and bow your head before our Lord 10"

Pray Sisters.....

Tennant x

Friday, 22 August 2008

I return baring Spatulas........

My Dearest Sisters

I have spent many weeks in spiritual retreat, set adrift amongst many impure thoughts of Our Lord 10" ( Praise Be!). I fear I should be punished severely for my sins of partaking in these impure thoughts and not sharing them with my Sisters *bends over for punishment* (Oops! Sorry - slipped back into some of those thoughts again!)

Our Lord has indeed graced us lately with many visions of loveliness - and his appearance on stage will be viewed with solemn adoration by the SOP in November.............who am I kidding - it'll be spatulas and life boats at the ready!

Apologies, I allow my fanny to speak instead of my head - I fear my lady garden may require irrigation before I partake in any further prayer.

And so....I leave the altar with depraved thoughts again (many thanks to Sister Chastity for her many lewd descriptions of our Lord in action) but also with a promise that I shall commit these depraved thoughts to the blog!

And so my Sisters, I leave you with this picture (a firm SOP favourite Im sure you will agree!) and the assurances that this Sister will arrive for worship on time in the future!

Thursday, 21 August 2008



As you know I have recently been suffering terribly from a constant problem of seeing spots in front of my eyes. I think that I have found the cause in the form of the Lord in one particular shirt which he favours.

The cure is simple... I must meet the spotty Lord in person and divest him of said garment slowly and purposefully. Only by going through this ritual will I be cured of my debilitating syndrome!

*Goes in search of more spots*

Tennnant Sisters xxx

Sunday, 17 August 2008

The Novice departs for sandy shores


Yesterday we bade farewell to Novice Strumpet as she boarded a flying machine for the sandy shores of the balearics. Our thoughts are with her and we trust that whilst she is away from the Sisterhood, she will not forgo her vows and be tempted into gyrating along to the devil's music of the 'Loife boys.

In the meantime, whilst we await the Novice's return, the Sisters continue with their charitable works, sharing the Lord's love amongst those less fortunate. Although Sunday is the Lord's rest day from being Prince of Denmark, the sisters work tirelessly scavvying pics - these come from T'other Site and is the Lord in all his glory yesterday!

Tennant Sisters xxxx

Monday, 11 August 2008

Something wicked this way drove past Sister C...

Sisters, we have heard Sister C's full and frank confession and we now pray for her 'depraved' soul and destroyed bloomers. I was glad to learn of her safe return to us after our beloved drove past her in the devils chariot as he was in muchness of a haste to return south and pay the babysitter. (Bet you wished you had a Tardis now!) Indeed the instrument of idle gossip was working overtime outside the exit of luvviness until we heard that the great book had been signed by our love. Infact during the act of drive-by said instument was in meltdown as the tale was sent to the far flung corners of Limerick and Miseryside.

She has seen our beloved address the great unwashed of Shakeyland and she marvelled at words of ol' Will's wisdom, spoken with such skill that she has decided to make the pilgrimage once more with the sisterhood this November. Indeed this joyous day has known no ends; drinking in the sisterhood base camp for the November pilgrimage, wandering around Shakeyland per chance for a bit of 'Lad spotting'.

I am concerned over the mental state of our Lord as the gutter press have visions showing him seemingly walking into a red phone box..... we need to remind our beloved that he is infact a Lord of Time and not a man of steel - for he is some cheap hamburger a go-go land creation that pales into comparision next to a Timelord. And what of the not so buxom wench that walks at his side? Was our beloved displeased that she had forgotten to put a skirt on before they left the house as body language would tell that this is not a couple who are luuuuuuuuurrrrrrrved up. It'll all end in tears......

Come sisters, your Count - ry matters. Let us pray.

Novice Strumpet - why have you not posted your confession this week? Make a hasty retreat and watch Blackpool as punishment.

Tennant x

Thursday, 7 August 2008

The Play's the Thing


I have returneth from my pilgrimage to bow down in front of the Lord in Shakeyland. Mine eyes have been blessed and mine bloomers destroyed. I will provide full and frank details in our special place later. In the meantime here is a *spoiler*.

The e'en ere my arrival at the Lord's cathedral known as the Courtyard, He was visted by shepherds and kings in the form of the critics of the British Press. I have seen that they brought the Lord gifts in the form of praise, wonderment and awe.
That he deserves such gifts was never in doubt, but it was pleasing to read them nonetheless.

Of mine own trip, I had a wondrous time in Stratford, dinner in the Dirty Duck, and then the experience of a lifetime in the theatre. My paltry words cannot do justice to the magnificance of the whole play. I fear that only Shakey himself would find the words to describe how the Lord turned into the mad, moody Dane.

Following the curtain call, my converses took me at breakneck speed around to the stage door (which is on the left of the Theatre as you stand and look at the entrance. I am sad to report that I did not get a spot at the metal barrier which had been erected to keep the rabid wenches apart from the Lord's person. However, being a Sister of Pervitude that was not going to stop me. I saw the Lord dressed in a T shirt of most ecological green, come out the stage door. Fighting the urge to shout out "Shag me David" I awaiting his coming to my position with bated breath. When his vision appeared in front of me I squashed all those infront to shove my programme into his face! He held onto the other end as he signed and i felt every movement of his pen...

Floating on air I then set off back to the car for my return journey to my own altar, not expecting a further encounter with the Lord until November. I was surprised therefore when I noticed a Black Prius kerb crawling me. The driver was shouting and gesturing at the slow traffic infront of him and seemed to be in a state of turmoil as if he were in a hurry to get somewhere. I looked and noticed that the driver was dressed in a green T and wearing glasses. He had ruffled hair and then it dawned on me that it was indeed our Lord in his popemobile. I did not have time to use my phone to take a pic as he turned the corner and disappeared into the night. I did have the presence of mind to write his car reg on my hand!

So my night was complete. All tasks accomplished. I am dead, sisters; poisoned by the tip of the Lord's weapon of mass destruction.

To the nunnery Sisters....

Tennant xxx

Monday, 4 August 2008

To sleep, perchance to dream...

My dearest Sisters

It is only one more sleep now till I wend my way to Warwickshire and Shakeyland. I feel certain that I will witness something very special indeed inside the house of 1000 people called the Courtyard Theatre.

I promise to regale the Sisters on my return with tales of swashbuckling, murder, dark secrets and winsome wenches and I will hopefully discover what EXACTLY is rotten in the state of Denmark!

Until Thursday then my Sisters.

Tennant xxx