Sunday, 28 November 2010

The Holidays are Coming

Dear Sisters

So the Coca-Cola advertisement returneth to 40" altars around the land signalling that the Festive Season is now upon us. This year the celebrations in the Sisterhood will be somewhat muted by the lack of our Time Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch* adorning our televisual equipment. One acolyte has spotted that the Lord is to be found in the company of naughty schoolgirls in the lead up to the Big Event, but I fear that a Christmas Day without the Lord Ten-inch to perve after the turkey, stuffing and xmas pud is just not the same.

The Lord is of course currently in the country of  the Cheryl "wye-eye pet" Cole  filming something entertaining about a bunch of Man U players getting iced in Munich. I am sure that he fits in very well with the Geordies and is enjoying a few bottles of Newkey Brown with the lads of the Toon Army. We are awaiting our first images of the Lord with a 50's haircut...

Of course, the Lord wouldnt be the Lord Ten-inch if he wasnt busy doing some very odd things in the name of chasing the almighty dollar. He can be seen each week on the Chris *give me some eye bleach now* Moyles Quiz Show attempting to foil his fellow celebrities with some extremely dodgy impressions. Fine Actor though the Lord undoubtably is, he is no John Culshaw when it comes to impressions. Nevertheless, this tacky show has led to yet another fabulous sound-bite. Who could possibly resist our Lord impersonating the legend that is Tom *I'm from Wales you know* Jones and uttering the phrase "suck my Sex Trumpet" - There are some things that are worth the TV Licence Fee all on their own!

So, November has been a quiet month for the Sisterhood: little news and little to perve and as we move into the final weeks of 2010 we predict that:
1) the Kiddies will be getting excited about the prospect that the Lord has been buying diamonds in the North (where no doubt they are cheaper) and will go down on bended knee on the day when Christ and the Child celebrate their birthdays; and
2) there will be a weeping and a wailing on boxing day when the kiddies wake up to find the world hasn't changed and the Lord is still a commitment-phobe

An eagle-eyed Acolyte spotted a tweet a few days ago (see earlier blog comments) from a sleb who is likely to be an acquaintance, if not a friend, of the Lord's which I have posted a pic of below. I wonder if indeed Christian O'Connell has unleashed a beast by introducing the Lord to the power of the Bird that Tweets and he is now using that same medium to toy with his fans...intriguing.....

Keep the Faith Sisters, the Lord's time will come again and he will Rise from the ashes of the BBC schedules like a Phoenix rising from the fires of Hell.

Tennant  xx

If you can't read the Tweet it says
"@monstroso And does anyone know if there's any truth in the rumour that David Tennant's partner is expecting a baby?"

Thursday, 11 November 2010

The Darkest Hour is Just Before Dawn

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and Followers,

This day, the eleventh day of the eleventh month in the year of our TimeLord *praise be his name and teninch* Two Thousand and Ten will go down in the Annuls of the Sisterhood as one of the darkest of our tenure upon this fair land. Yes Sisters, this is the day that an image appeared on the world wide T'interweb confirming our worst fears to be true. Such image is reproduced (excuse the pun) at the end of this Blog to enable Sisters to gather such implements as may be necessary to scrape the retinas of all sane women before setting ones eyes upon the travesty of nature.

Of what can I be referring? What can be so terrible as to require such extreme precautions to be taken? What can have made the Sisters' blood run cold(der) this wintry evening?

None other than a image which seems to confirm that Our Wondrous Lord hath been purchasing and using an inferior brand of condoms which hath resulted in an accident of monstrous proportions. Either that or the Child has put a pin through the packet. Whichever the reason, it seems that the Child has been the recipient of the blessed gift of the Lord's Sperm in such quantity as to render her with child. A gift I might add that the Sisters themselves had been preparing for these many long nights alone in their bare, spartan cells, with only a DVD of Blackpool for company.

Having gotten over the initial turmoil and trauma of such a sight, a series of questions have come to the forefront of our minds. Such as:

1) As it appears he is following his political allegiences and like Red Ed, not marrying the strumpet that is carrying his offspring, I wonder if this will also stretch to not being named on the birth certificate?

2) Will indeed he marry said Strumpet and will she walk down the aisle in virginal white or the more customary black? Will the wanna-be-inlaws insist on the film crew for 4 weddings be there as they were for their own wedding?

3) Will we have to put up with the Kiddies and the GM shippers gloating and cooing for the next 6 months?

All these questions and more will be answered in the realm of Social Media over the coming days and weeks. In the meantime, HOLY BOOK OF SUN and DAILY FAIL, pull your fingers out, this is a much bigger story that the XFactor rigged votes crap that has been adorning your front pages this week.

I can see it now

"EX-DOCTOR GETS DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER UP THE DUFF - friends of the couple say they are very happy though they have no plans to marry at this time. Georgia Moffett 25, trapped David Tennant, 39 whilst playing a bit part in the well loved Doctor Who series. Although her career has never taken off, she is happy to leach off the talent and charisma of her boyfriend. Her parents (wannabe luvvies Peter Davidson, currently starring in a west end musical alongside a dog and Sandra Dickinson currently doing Panto somewhere obscure) are said to be ecstatic that their daughter has finally landed the big fish. David's family refused to comment."

They say the darkest hour is just before dawn, let's hope the sun rises soon on a new day for the Lord.

Tennant x