Thursday, 30 April 2009

The Parable of the Lord and the Child


The above pictures bear witness to the parable of the Lord and the Child which was recounted from the Pulpit at the Festival Church Hall last Sunday.

As my Sister has so kindly reported earlier in the week, the Lord's name was not taken in vain and he was not honoured with a craven image during the overlong service... much to the disapproval of the congregation and the Sisters in particular.

However, as the Sister alluded to in her earlier post, a most interesting story emerged after the sermon had finished as everyone was leaving the church hall full of Holy Water and Communion Wine. As we can see from the above pictures, the Lord was unhappy with the behaviour of some younger members of his flock and gave them a good talking to before they were allowed to go home to bed. I am sure he was reminding this particular child of the devil of the TEN Commandments:

1) Thou shall always walk 10 paces behind thy Lord when out in public
2) Thou shall not address me by any pet names or in any way indicate that we are anything more than colleagues
3) Thou shall not hold my hand under any circumstances
4) Thou shall not give me clothing advice
5) Thou shall bring crayons and a colouring book to keep thyself amused when the grown -ups are talking
6) Thou shall NEVER interrupt me
7) Thou shall NEVER question my judgement nor my opinions
8) Thou shall NEVER sponge of thy elders
9) Thou shall honour me and obey me in all things
10) Thou shall not covet my career; thou shall get thy fucking own.

If she doesn't like these commandments, well she knows where the door is! BYE BYE :)

And the moral of this story is that the Lord really does need an older woman who can chuck his bloody commandments out of the window of his Toyota Penis along with the sparkly T shirts and baseball caps.
Tennant x

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Who's not a happy bunny?

Sisters and Acolytes

Sunday last, the Sisters gathered at the 40" altar patiently awaiting new holy visions and wise words from the Lord 10" (Praise be upon his name and 10"). Sitting with spatula in hand it was not long before the Sisterhood were rewarded with the sight of the holy velvet and sacred stubble. Across the land many pairs of bloomers combusted at such visions before their eyes.

The Lord seemed to be in jovial mood, and sat beside him was a wee child who had been given a treat and allowed to wear her Sunday best dress to the party and sit with the grown ups. She was very good as the people running the event gave her a colouring book and some crayons to keep her quiet. Many awards were bestowed upon the plastic people of tellyland, who accepted graciously and thanked all their luvvie friends for being luvvies. All was well until our loves efforts were nominated and looked over for super luvvie, Kenny the Bragga and his Van der Valk rip off. (BOOOOOOOOO!) How very dare they!!! Nomination 2 came and the Sisters clutched onto their sonics and offered prayers of pervedom to the universe that our beloved would triumph; No such luck, again our Lord's efforts were overlooked for some drama about a girl and her relationship with a scarf upon her head. The Sisters were disgusted with the powers that be and immediately declared unholy Jihad upon them.

Just as the could take no more a big surpirse arrived and our Lord came out to present an award to Ms T for being an all round good egg. Standing before the great unwashed of luvviedom our Love addressed the nation. The sight of stubble was too much in one night and I must confess to having to punish myself many times for such naughty thoughts.

The evening ended and then the members of her majesty's gutter press paps came out to play. Reports the next day claim our Lord was none too pleased at the end result and faces were pulled. The Sisters have their own take on events post awards. These include the child was over tired and needed to be taken home early as it was play school in the morning. Tantrums were had because she wasn't allowed to walk down the red carpet. Someone had crayoned on the wall....

Until next time.


Monday, 13 April 2009

Only for the true believers


The Lord of Time *praise be his name and ten-inch* has been snapped in foreign lands getting ready to go to sleep. The Lord sorely tempts the Sisters with this Vision of Pervitude and we may need to take ourselves off to a place of solitude and commune with spatula and plastic sheeting.

I trust that he has a grotty old T shirt on just in case of a Fire Alarm in the middle of the night. I also assume that under that cream duvet he has a lovely pair of red Calvin Klein boxers on. I can just picture them now... *drifts off into X rated day-dream*

Let's hope that the Lord has more things that he wants to commit to video diary whilst lying a-bed either in Cardiff or North London over the coming specials. Next time, a non-T-shirt version would be much appreciated!

Sorry I really must go now.... my bloomers have just self-destructed!

Tennant x

Saturday, 11 April 2009

Tennant Day

Forgive me Sisters for I have failed in my blogging duties of late. I will punish myself later with a major dose of Casanova followed swiftly by a Secret Smile!

Before that however, today we have been celebrating Tennant day. It started with a vision of breakfast delight, moved through elevenses on the radio and finished with a tea time treat!

Overload of the Lord Ten-inch - may this day go down in history and be celebrated for all time by the wearing of a blue shell suit and Hong Kong Phooey T shirt!

I will leave my sisters to blog further about the Planet of the Dead, as I am sure they will. I, myself enjoyed the romp in the desert but was expecting great things of the deadender and was left less than impressed by her acting ability beside the Lord. Maybe she was overcome by his great presence on the set... or maybe she is only a pretty face and really a pretty crap actress (bionic woman? Second series? that would be a no then!)

We know the Lord's song is ending ... the OOD told us that last year. And whoever doesn't know that the Master is back for the finale has been living on a different planet in the last two weeks... so the *he knocks 4 times* bit wasn't quite so cryptic as it might have been. Come on Ruffle T you can do better than this!! As for *The Waters of Mars*???

The Sisters are all off to Londoom next week - in fact one of our number arrived today and is scoping the joint for us. We shall put up a separate blog about our impending pilgrimage during the week.

Happy Easter Sisters, Acolytes and others dedicated to pervitude

May the Lord sleep with you all!!!

Tennant x