Thursday, 11 November 2010

The Darkest Hour is Just Before Dawn

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and Followers,

This day, the eleventh day of the eleventh month in the year of our TimeLord *praise be his name and teninch* Two Thousand and Ten will go down in the Annuls of the Sisterhood as one of the darkest of our tenure upon this fair land. Yes Sisters, this is the day that an image appeared on the world wide T'interweb confirming our worst fears to be true. Such image is reproduced (excuse the pun) at the end of this Blog to enable Sisters to gather such implements as may be necessary to scrape the retinas of all sane women before setting ones eyes upon the travesty of nature.

Of what can I be referring? What can be so terrible as to require such extreme precautions to be taken? What can have made the Sisters' blood run cold(der) this wintry evening?

None other than a image which seems to confirm that Our Wondrous Lord hath been purchasing and using an inferior brand of condoms which hath resulted in an accident of monstrous proportions. Either that or the Child has put a pin through the packet. Whichever the reason, it seems that the Child has been the recipient of the blessed gift of the Lord's Sperm in such quantity as to render her with child. A gift I might add that the Sisters themselves had been preparing for these many long nights alone in their bare, spartan cells, with only a DVD of Blackpool for company.

Having gotten over the initial turmoil and trauma of such a sight, a series of questions have come to the forefront of our minds. Such as:

1) As it appears he is following his political allegiences and like Red Ed, not marrying the strumpet that is carrying his offspring, I wonder if this will also stretch to not being named on the birth certificate?

2) Will indeed he marry said Strumpet and will she walk down the aisle in virginal white or the more customary black? Will the wanna-be-inlaws insist on the film crew for 4 weddings be there as they were for their own wedding?

3) Will we have to put up with the Kiddies and the GM shippers gloating and cooing for the next 6 months?

All these questions and more will be answered in the realm of Social Media over the coming days and weeks. In the meantime, HOLY BOOK OF SUN and DAILY FAIL, pull your fingers out, this is a much bigger story that the XFactor rigged votes crap that has been adorning your front pages this week.

I can see it now

"EX-DOCTOR GETS DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER UP THE DUFF - friends of the couple say they are very happy though they have no plans to marry at this time. Georgia Moffett 25, trapped David Tennant, 39 whilst playing a bit part in the well loved Doctor Who series. Although her career has never taken off, she is happy to leach off the talent and charisma of her boyfriend. Her parents (wannabe luvvies Peter Davidson, currently starring in a west end musical alongside a dog and Sandra Dickinson currently doing Panto somewhere obscure) are said to be ecstatic that their daughter has finally landed the big fish. David's family refused to comment."

They say the darkest hour is just before dawn, let's hope the sun rises soon on a new day for the Lord.

Tennant x


Acolyte McSkinny said...

Hail Sisters...behold thy Child wearing thy smug grin!

Anonymous said...

If she is then congrats to them. One comment. If she is how come he has not been around playing the supportive partner? Since March he has spent hardly any time in London. The rest of the time he has been in Scotland or New Mexico or Africa or the Isle of Man or NY or numerous trips to LA. Even when he is back home he goes out all the time. He was away without her for two months in NM, was out whooping it up with JB the same day he came home, and he has not stopped since, radio interviews theatre stint drunken lunches dinners and parties. He was only back a few weeks and then off again to Africa, and partying again as soon as he got home. IMO that is not the behavior of a happilly settled daddy-to-be. Yes he has to work and build his career but he never stops, it's like a compulsion.

I hope he will settle down and be a happy family man but I am not seeing positive signs. They have never even lived together, unless she moved in recently, and he's never around, not a good basis.

Anonymous said...

Ooh eck . She certainly looks pregger and seemed to be holding the coat in front of herself at the radio show. However she is sat down which isnt easy to tell and has no extra weight on her face not that that means anything. Also surely someone in the audience and outside the radio show would spot it? The child gets her Lord and the Lord gets a proper child?? Could explain the sickening display at the radio show
Maybe all will be well for a while but 5 yrs from now well thats another thing altogether
Also will the Lord even admit to her giving birth such is his reluctance to talk.
I am sure daddy in law will tell us soon

Anonymous said...

When was he in Africa? And for what? It's amazing he found time to knock her up with all his other activities.

Anonymous said...

Surely if she wanted to keep it quiet, it's not the greatest idea on earth to allow yourself to be photographed at that chav-fest of a party or indeed turn up in the radio studios, where she would know full well that there are webcams.
Well, they're two things I certainly wouldn't have done.

Anonymous said...

If that is a pic of her pregnant then she is REALLY pregnant ie. Not just a few months. If thats the case someone would have seen and taken a pic. I think this is just a misleading photo. Just because someone wears a smock doesn't mean they are hiding something. I think we should relax, this is another false alarm.

Anonymous said...

He was in Uganda for Comic Relief. And now he will be off again to Newcastle very soon to star in another movie! Thought he said on Christians show he was home till Christmas??

Ennui said...

I just threw up in my mouth.

Anonymous said...

I'll be amazed if that's just a loose 'swing' top she's wearing and patting down. That's a preggers smock if I've ever seen a preggers smock.
And yet, I cannae believe it.

Anonymous said...

One of the fans on the GB forum saw GM shopping in central London. Guess she didn't go to Newcastle then. No mention of any bump and considering what big shippers they are you'd think they would.

Anonymous said...

TV actor and writer Charlie Higson tweeted earlier 'any truth to the rumour David Tennant's wife is expecting a baby?' then deleted it and retweeted with the word partner instead of wife, and tweeted 'meant to say partner.' What an odd thing to tweet. This isn't a random fan or a journo, but a proper celeb. He's worked with DT and is mates with Arabella Weir, I'm sure he could call DT if he wanted to know. Just having some 'fun' with fans?? Seems mean spirited towards DT.

Sister Shagwell said...

I personally think she has a bad case of flatulance. Although she alays has that look on her face.