Thursday, 31 July 2008

Welcome to our new Novice

Welcome to the Sisterhood, Novice Strumpet.

As part of thy initiation into the Holy Order, there will be some tasks that will be given unto thee in due course to test thy faithfulness to the Lord. In the meantime, please make thyself comfortable at his feet and learn the 10" commandments by rote:

1. You shall have no other Gods but the 10". (This includes those 'liofe boys!)
2 You shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it unless it be a vision of the Lord's gorgeousness scavvied from T'interweb or the Lord himself on the sisters 40" altar
3 You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God. You can only use the name of the Lord in praise and song!
4 You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy. The Sabbath is for perving and ficcing.
5 Respect your father and mother. They bail you out when you have spent all your money on perving the Lord.

6 You must not kill except for Soppy, the Biatch, the Welsh Sheep-shagger, the Gremlin or Dead Meat or any future wench which attracts the interest of the 10"
7 You must commit adultery only with the Lord 10" himself
8 You must not steal unless it is merchandise related to the Lord.
9 You must give false evidence against your neighbour to ensure your place at the front of the queue at the Stage Door.
10You shall be envious of the Lord's goods. You shall be envious of his house behind red 56, his girlfriend, and anything that belongs to the Lord especially his A&F hoodie. You shall not be envious of his PRIUS!

See you at Evensong laters

Tennant xxx

1 comment:

Novice Strumpet said...

I thank you Sister for the warm welcome.
I do indeed promise to worship the Lord and only the lord. The 'loife are banished from my thoughts and are now in my eyes are deemed unholy.
Please forgive me my sins... I hope to redeem myself in the coming months.
Praise be to the 10"

Tennant. x