Friday, 12 December 2008

The Sisters Pilgrimage in doubt


It has indeed been a week spent in reflection and prayer. Our (Time)Lord *praise be his name and 10"* has found himself seriously indisposed this week and has pulled out of Hamlet until at least Christmas.

One of the more evil Sisters (no name, no packdrill) has been slightly less than sympathetic to our Lord and is waiting (nay, gagging) to see a picture of Him in the RedTops limping around on crutches. I fear that should she see Him in the street, she may indeed be tempted into kicking away His crutches so that she could lay herself beneath Him to make a comfy place on which for Him to fall. We will not continue to pander to her personal fantasy, suffice to say that it may be her own untimely illness which is making her hallucinate!

In addition to our Lord's indisposition with a slipped disc, the new year pilgrimage of the Sisters to Londoom appears to be in serious jeopardy:

Sister Berny is unable to join the pilgrimage despite every effort being made to find a carer for those poor unfortunates that rely on the Sister on a daily basis. We hope that once the Summer Sun returns to the land, she will journey across the Irish Sea to join us on the beach instead.

Novice Strumpet finds herself short of funding for her pilgrimage despite Gordon's generosity in reducing the VAT on those items necessary for the Sisters - spatulas, DVDs and new bloomers from Marks and Spencer.

Sisters Shagwell and Chastity were prepared to make the pilgrimage on their own, until news that the Lord may not be fit to perve for several months was discussed in that most moderate of papers, the Daily Mail. We hope that the Specialists they have spoken to are found wanting in their understanding of the Lord's miraculous powers of recovery.

We will await the news post the festive season and make our final decisions at that time.

In the meantime we urge all the females on the T'Interweb to think healing thoughts over the coming weeks. If we all pray together, I am sure the Lord will grant our prayer.

All together Sisters



Acolyte Mia said...


I heard the news of our (Time) Lord's ailment and took great pity upon him in his particular plight...having had a herniated disc in 2001 that completely incapacitated me by pressing on my sciatic nerve, I have a bit of perspective on what he has been going through. Obviously his is a bit different if they are talking about him potentially returning post-Christmas -- I was out of comission 1.5 months following my surgery.

That said -- even in hospital, all other equipment should be functioning normally and be fully responsive to any administrations given in worship. I'm thinking three Sisters and two acolytes taken with water ever four to six hours for pain ought to do the trick...

Alexa/ Billie Jean said...

awww if i could go to england and visit him i would either:
a) bring flowers
b) get in bed with him
c) strip to Beyonce's Naughty Girl no matter who is also watching (it would probably get me kicked out of the hospital but i don't care)

Sebrina said...

Should we have sympathy for our Lord? Well that kind of depends on what he has been up to in order to 'slip his disc'. Was he perchance chasing his child like partner around his bedroom or attempting to perform strange sexual acts with said partner? If so then I say it is about time he got with a slightly more suitable mate who might perform with more skill and put his precious back at less risk!!!

Sister Shagwell said...

Well Said, Seb!

Indeed the Sisters have been praying for many months that our Lord will soon wake up and smell the coffee. Chasing children is not really what our love should be doing. We have pondered the absence of said child by our Lord's side during his recovery. Had he forgotten to collect her from nursery this last week???

The Sisters were heartend to see visions of our beloved this week wending his way down the street on a little jaunt to his local office of post. We are certain that the yearly card of seasonal greetings from our love was tightly clutched in his hand. We do now fear that her maj's loyal servants of postal communications have mislaid this important communication to us.

Acolytes, we urge you to send positive thoughts to our Lord and his 10", that he may take to the stage once more to preach to the great unwashed of Londoom, and that the Sisters can be sat in worship before him.

Tennant X