Sunday 29 November 2009

The Lord Sends Social Dis-services into Meltdown




Sisters and Acolytes

I bring to you news that will cause distress across the green and pleasant land of Blighty. Earlier in the week the Holy book of Sun published the sacred schedules for the Christmas perve fest. For the past few years this has not proved to be cause for concern. Our Lord (praise be his name and 10”) would deliver his Christmas present to Womankind at around 7.00pm. There would be a hush across the land as our beloved burst upon the 40” altar. For the next hour the Sisters and assorted member of the great unwashed would listen to his wise words and perve with wonderment at the many attributes possessed by one so divine. After the sermon had been delivered from the 40” altar the Sisters would then quickly rush to the confessional channel to see the Lord explain his actions.


This year could well shake up families over the festive period. The Lord has finally taken over Christmas and for this year it shall be known as Tennant’s Day. The Sisters have no objection to the world joining in with their celebration, however we do feel the need to warn the much maligned Social Care professional busy-bodies that the sacred schedules will be the cause for many families to be in peril this coming Tennant morn as the BBC have deemed it necessary to air the adventures of our beloved as the moody lil f*cker, Hammy at 9.00am! As young children awake to the delights of what Santa has brought it is not right that they see their own mothers rocking to and fro in front of the 40” altar, making strange noises as the Lord appears with the holy red T upon his frame. This could scar children for many years as bloomers across the country combust. By the time the Lord finishes with womankind they will be in no fit state to prepare Christmas lunch. I do believe that many families may be subject to TV dinners this year. This is where our over-paid and underworked colleagues in Social Care should appeal to the BCC and demand that Hammy be screened at a more appropriate time or they will have to drag themselves away from their own firesides to deal with families in crisis. £200.00 for working over the Christmas period is not worth the ear bashing they shall receive. As the Sisters know the SS are planning on LALA Land domination (LALA in this context is Local Authority, therefore they, and they alone, have it within their power to move Hammy to a more appropriate hour – think watershed people!

Later in the day the Lord will appear once more to begin the tale of his demise as the great Lord of Time. The Sisters will gather at the altar, with copious amounts of sacred wine and Kleenex. As Sister C has mentioned the Lord is omnipresent. Alongside the Buzzcocks appearance, QI, DW, Hammy, silver screen outings, etc, etc, etc…. the Sisters have learnt that the Lord is narrating the bedtime story this Tennant’s Eve. The Lord is indeed clever as he can read the nation’s youngest a story whilst he reads to the child. No doubt she will be too excited to sleep that night as Santa works his way around the planet. Wonder if it is a sack of coal or a new Barbie doll this year???


Social Services – expect this festive period to be busy. You have been warned.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Sister Shagwell, for this blog entry. While you Brits get to enjoy The Lord on Christmas Day,I, being in the US, will have to wait a bit to see The Lord in all his Christmas glory...(I will be searching the t'interweb on Christmas! )

Sallee

Sister Shagwell said...

Do not fret Sallee... we shall update t'interweb of the wise words from the Lord this Tennant's Day

Anonymous said...

Thanks Sister Shagwell.. I just remembered that BBCA is airing The End of Time Part 1 on December 26th (your Boxing Day), and although I don't have that cable channel (I can't afford the digital package), I am thinking of ways to take over my neighbours downstairs telly for that show. It shouldn't take much convincing, since both are Who fans from way back..

I would love to hear all about Hamlet and the other shows that Our Lord will be on...(which I will be hunting for on the t'interweb for.. hehehehe)

Sallee

Sister Chastity said...

Fear Not dear Sisters, Acolytes, Followers and members of Social Services up and down the land. The BBC have realised their grave error and released new schedule information to restore harmony to homes across the country.

Hamlet will in fact be shown on the Day of Boxes at 5pm when all good men are asleep after watching the footie and the kiddies are safely playing Shoot'em Up on their new Playbox-Xstations.

Get your drinkies and chocs ready - I also suggest rubber sheeting on the furniture and new bloomers at the ready!

Acolyte McSkinny said...

This lonely Acolyte is wondering if our Lord is in LaLa land? There have been no new sightings since last week when he was seen in the the 'luvvie' Ivy eaterie...do the Sisters have him holed up somewhere,coveting his every whim?

Anonymous said...

DT was seen in downtown LA yesterday filming Rex, and is supposed to be filming today too. I think he's been in LA longer than a week though so he might not have been at the Ivy.

Sister Shagwell said...

Acolyte McSkinny... That would be telling.... ;-P

Sister Chastity said...

Sister Shagwell whatever we do we mustn't tell the Acolytes that Sister Bernie has the Lord *praise be his name and teninch* a little tied up in LA this week.

Oops did I just post that???

Acolyte McSkinny said...

Lovely sights of the Lord in LaLa land made this Sabbath morn even more brighter...Our Lord looks on the lonely side..pining for the Sisters,no doubt!

Sister Shagwell said...

...That is where the pink fluffy handcuffs went from the cupboard then???

Thought she was looking a bit suspicious

Natalie said...

There is an The Ivy in LA, which would fit with the DT sighting at The Ivy that Acolyte McSkinny is referring to. Only the sighting was at the LA Ivy and not the London Ivy. Betcha GM was there with it being LA he'd be able to get in and out WITHOUT being photographed since he isn't very well known over there.

Sister Chastity said...

Judging by what he was scoffing on the set of Rex is not my lawyer, the LA Ivy doesn't serve very satisfying meals!

Acolyte McSkinny said...

I don't think the Child was with the Lad this time around...she's been crayoning on the Book of Face.(no iphone app)

Anonymous said...

Acolyte McSkinny, I hope you will keep the other Acolytes informed if anything interesting appears on the Book of Face.

jessie taylor said...

hi sister shagwell and sister c.am sorry for not writing to you as i have not been very well indeed. i went back to my doctors today and was told i have breast cancer, this as knocked me sencless it changes you big time am very very scared.. not only that the child as a bebo account and says things about the lord(praise be his name and ten) and i don,t like what she says in fact i wish she would just piss off and leave our lord praise be his name and ten alone,cos that childs famley is nothing but trouble anduseing him and he cannot see that.. oh sisters i hope he dos not go to lala land and live there cos that would please the trollp..i to have a facebook but that vile child is not on it its banned, what the lord needs praise be his name and ten is a peel women like the sisters, go sisters go, the sisters rule.. take care jessie.xx

Sister Chastity said...

Jessie

The Sisters are thinking of you and hope that we bring some Tennanty cheer at this difficult time for you.

The Child's book of face is still very much active - though only available to "friends" not the great unwashed. She also has a Bebo account? That makes sense as most of her friends from kindergarten are probably on there as f-a-c-e-b-o-o-k is quite a long word to spell.

Whilst we of course fervently hope that the Lord's sojourn in Lalaland will be a massive hit, I too pray that he won't find the urge to live amongst the luvvies in Beverley Hills too hard to resist and that he would rather blow his "Green" credentials out of the water and give money to Sir Richard of the Branson's Virgins to fly him across the pond on a regular basis. Only Smarties have the answer!

Sister C xxx

jessie taylor said...

hi sister shagwell,sister c thankies for your message,cheered me up a bit,yes indeedie i agree with you sister c about the lord (prasie be is name and ten) in lala land with the luvies as i cannot think of what to say right now, so i agree with sister c, your quiet wellcome to look at my facebook as you so wish. i can,t sleep cos of things on my mind, i,ll try to go to sleep but this is scareing me so much sister c.. take care jessie xxx the sisters rule..

Anonymous said...

The Georgia Moffett Bebo account is not really her...Its some nut badly pretending to be her,just so you know.

Anonymous said...

Is it necessary to bring people's facebook posts on to a public website? Can't help but feel it's a tad stalkerish and unfair.

Sister Chastity said...

The Sisters, stalkers? Whatever next? Maybe you will be suggesting that posting pics of the Lord *praise be his name and Teninch* taken with a telephoto lens whilst hiding behind a bush invades his privacy? Or that, heavens forbid, we shouldnt mention the fact that he has *whispers* "a girlfriend"

Do you happen to be an admin of a certain forum dedicated to the Lord himself on an alternative website. Or perhaps you haven't really grasped what the Sister's are about??

Acolyte McSkinny said...

Do you mean the site of 'she who shall not be named for fear of a 3 day ban'?
Book of Face details would never be divulged on an open blog...We Sisters and Acolytes are truly not that evil...debauched maybe...never evil!

Anonymous said...

No actually, I don't think you shouldn't mention he has a girlfriend but I don't think you should be publicly discussing her facebook posts, that's quite a jump don't you think? I just think that what I've read doesn't show very much respect for a man you claim to like.

And yes, I think I have grasped what the sisters are about, and that is what frightens me.

Sister Shagwell said...

Sister, am I right in thinking you mentioned that the Lord, praise be his name and 10" has a girlfriend???? I like to think of it as childminding. Wonder if he has been CRB'd????

Jessie. Thinking positive thoughts for you along with the Sisterhood and Acolytes. Get that treatment started asap!

Anonymous said...

I absolutely agree. What is even more shameful is that you clearly have no access to her facebook and are just making up things to make yourselves sound more interesting. David would be very upset.

jessie taylor said...

hi sister shagwell and sister c. to that anonymous who said that the trollp child is not on bebo, you know you talk out of your backside or your a friend of it, let me tell you something not once did the sisters say that the trollp child was the lord praise be his name and ten, his girlfriend, am not well myself and i will not have trollps like you saying about the sisters at all get back to the vile site you go on and leave this one alone its for adults not kiddies like you so get back to the whores bebo cos cos you can,t spell f.a.c.e.b.o.o.k. the sisters can put what they want its their blog not yours theirs so shut up and get back to the trollps site that you belong to, you cannot bring the sisters down cos they are to smart for you and the child whores fans cos you know what, it takes a women to see what another women is doing to a man and she just a dirty little trollpso please please go back to the vile sites you and all the other child lovers go on and leave this one alone. like i said am not well my self anon and i love david to bits but to think of him with that whore is making me a whole lot worse,the child and its father speads lies about the lord(praise be his name and ten) what are not true just to hurt the sisters but the child will never ever hurt them get me.. am sorry sisters for ranting but people like the anon just make me angry..the sisters rock..jessie.xx sister shagwell am starting my treatment next week.. thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.xxxx

Anonymous said...

Just want to say I am praying for you Jessie. I hope you can find some comfort and strength from David, I always have when I'm having problems.

Anonymous said...

Nice....

Anonymous said...

The child should not post on the web if she does not want anyone seeing anything private. She knows the Lord does not like said book of face etc. She is trouble with a capital T.
Carry on regardless sisters and friends of sisters -I like to read the honest opinions on this blog
Juliet x

Anonymous said...

Jessie I send you good wishes
Juliet xx

Anonymous said...

She should absolutely be allowed to have her privacy as should we all. She has never done anything wrong and makes 'your lord' happy and that should in turn make you happy. How would you feel if you were spoken about as you speak about her. What goes around comes around, remember that ladies.

Sister Chastity said...

The Sisters have very good reason to believe that certain parts of the weird wide web - in dark holes under damp rocks - we are indeed spoken about in what might be described as derogatory - nay libelous - fashion.

As the true Sisters that we are we remain tall and proud and laugh in the face of such wordage. An old adage comes to mind -

*sticks and stones may break my bones
but it would be much more fun with the Lord*

I think I may have that a bit wrong!

Tennant x

Anonymous said...

What gets me is "Anonymous" never signs her posts... as if they will be found out by the one that they proclaim they are defending, that they come in here....Come on Anonymous... sign your work!

Jessie, I read your post about you having breast cancer. I will keep you in my prayers...

Sallee