Thursday, 27 November 2008

Acolyte gossip...

Dear Sisters

It seems we have an Acolyte of some notoriety amongst our followers. I note (with envy) that Acolyte Sebrina was at LLL recently and was chosen to be the special favourite of our Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch*

As we ourselves witnessed at the matinee performance attended by the Sisters and Gutter friends, the Lord did chose a willing female to receive his wit and repartee and we believe even corresponded with some of these females by way of a reporter's notepad during the performance.

Acolyte Sebrina, please confess all to the Sisters and your name will be sung in the highest praise as a true follower of Pervitude!

Let us pray for enlightenment.

Tennant x


Anonymous said...

Dear Sisters and fellow Acolytes, I bring you greetings and gossip as requested.
Living a mere 45 minute drive from Shakyland I felt the need to go on a mission to worship at the altar of the Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch*. I avidly watched ebay (don't tell the RSC they get a bit picky about that) and corresponded with a very lovely lady who was selling two seats right in front of the stage - seats A10 and A11, to my great surprise I won them! I persuaded my sister (who does not particularly like the Lord, something to do with the fact that his accent reminds her of her first husband too much) to travel to the theatre with me. Being a person who is all mouth and no trousers I told my sister that as we were sat so close to the front I hoped He would deign to notice us. To help this along the way, I dressed extremely carefully in a shortish 'tartan' skirt; long, black, high heeled boots and a demure plain black scoop necked top. I straightened my hair with a religious zeal that you would all have been proud of, and applied a small amount of colour to my face. I drove the 45 minutes nattering to my sister in order to stave off my excitement that I was going to be so close to Him. We got to the theatre, and found our seats, He was already led on the stage with a hat covering some of his assets (keep it clean ladies I mean his eyes of course). We were so close to the stage that when I crossed my legs my knees touched the stage. I assumed my normal theatre/cinema pose which is to say I crossed my arms and turned my body so that it was slightly towards my sister and away from the strange man who was sat to my right - normal behaviour I believe for any dutiful, chaste young lady in the company of unknown males. This proved to be my down fall, because during the play He has a line about cupid which is something like 'Lord of folded arms', how was I to know that at this point he would pick upon some stupid female who was sat with her arms crossed. Oh Yes, that stupid female was indeed me, he came across to me and stood looking right down at me, as he said the line, he indicated me to the whole audience with one of his smooth and gentle hands and with a mere inclining of his head. As the realisation hit me that I was, for a moment the centre of not only his but the whole audiences attention, I jumped and in a very exaggerated movement ripped my hands from under my arms and sat upon them. The audience roared with laughter. I then glanced up briefly to ensure that I had done as He desired and stopped 'folding' my arms, to find that He was still there gazing down at me and laughing, I buried my face in my hands, and placed my head in my lap, with one hand firmly holding my head down I then used the other hand to shoo Him away. For this grave and stupid behaviour I beg your forgiveness. When he had finally gone - I am sure that he was there for at least 10 minutes but my sister who obviously is more sensible about such things said it was only about 1 minute - I finally realised what a complete idiot I had been, I had the perfect opportunity to stare up into those beautiful and expressive brown eyes, as well as having the top of my face pretty much in line with his well you know!! and I wasted it. What a complete numpty. It was also noted by my sister that there may have been some back stage laughing at my expense, as during the bowing at the end the man who played the king was openly laughing at me, and he was sharing the laughter with my loving sister!
So now there remains nothing for me to do except maybe try to find someone to go to London with me to view the other play in order to rectify my error. How I hear you cry, whilst tickets are completely sold out, there are a mere 150 seats that the RSC has - whereby you can go and see the play and go for champagne cocktails afterwards with the cast - so no promises I guess but hopefully He will be attending that champagne party. What am I waiting for I hear you ask, well as each ticket is £475 it is pretty hard to find a willing co traveller!
Anyway there rests my sad and sorry tale, I hope it brought some amusement to you, as it did to my sister, who very much enjoyed saying to me - well be careful what you wish for, he noticed you!!
Acolyte Seb
PS sorry it is so long I am apt to ramble.

Sister Shagwell said...

Acolyte Seb.

Thank you for your confession.

We feel your pain. Indeed should the Lord have decided to look in the general direction of one of the Sisters they would have slid to the floor. Had he singled out a Sister I fear that the bbc and itv would be running a disaster appeal for the day shakeyland was flooded.

I was glad to read that you had attired yourself appropriately for this audience with greatness upon the thrust stage.

It was a travesty that a hat should cover those huge chocolate button/minstel eyes. Sister Berny did manage to take a brief moving vision upon the instument of moving visions during LLL. We worship it daily. Indeed the shorts were also a bit too puffy for the Sisters liking, but as the Lord was upon the thrust and preaching to the great unwashed we overlooked that partucular offence. Tight jeans are the way forward...

For your pennance the Sisters feel you should watch 3 Blackpools and 1 Secret Smile.

Tennant x
Ps - welcome to Pervitude

Sebrina said...

I thank you for your mercy sisters, and will of course take my punishment willingly in order to fully repent my sins of course.
I have some graven images of the Lord and I will when I work out how to do it place on the site for your viewing pleasure!

Thanks for the welcome, I am enjoying my visits very much!

Acolyte Seb

Sister Chastity said...

Acolyte Sebrina

May I also extend a warm welcome into Pervitude and thank you for your first confessional. I was particularly impressed with your attire for the audience with the Great One. I am sure that he appreciated the *tartan skirt* and the view of your assets that he would have had from the Thrust Stage!

The Sisters will indeed be journeying unto Londoom early in the Year of our Lord 2009 to worship the 10" for the final time upon the Altar of the Novello.

We pray that they weather will be fair and he will welcome us at the Stage Door as he did for one Sister and Novice in Shakeyland (*TOBLERONE!* *BREATHE!*)

In the meantime, I watch for the Queen's post which may bring such visions to me as my LLL programme and ticket adorned with his name writ large in Sharpie pen.

I am not sure that acolytes have permission to post visions upon this blog although you may be able to post links to image holding T'interweb sites such as PhotoBucket or Flickr.

So Welcome and enjoy being permanently in Pervitude!