Monday, 16 March 2009

Satan's Devilina

Sisters and Acolytes

It is not our Lord (praise be upon his name and 10") who works in mysterious ways, but the Devil. He sent forth his best effort in disguise as one known as Devilina McCallmeaslag, to take on the might of the holy 10". The Devilina one, determined in her efforts, and under different circumstances would be welcomed to the Order of Pervitude but the Sisters were most displeased that it was she and not them who ended up under the Lord and the influence of the 10"!

As ever our Love was a vision, this time in virginal white, (we think this was a joke on his part) expertly fitted to show off the finer points of his loveliness. The hair was rufflesome and the sacred stubble was present. All in all a fine vision to worship and destroyer of many pairs of bloomers. Even the Devil Woman checked out the goods (see above). During the course of his address to the great unwashed to part with cash to help those in far flung lands we were treated so some dodgy dancing, a mastermind quiz, of which our beloved wiped the floor with the devil's dogsbody at his infinite knowledge (something he shares with Sister C). Many people pledged their souls and when it came to leaving the great unwashed she - satan's whore - made her move....

50 Quid was the ransom she offered to be set upon by our beloved. Where on earth were the enlightened few who worship our love and why had they not made vocal declarations that they would be more than willing (and able) to pay considerably higher sums of dirty money for a tumble with our Love? Sister C and myself were most disgusted that our Lord would succumb to such devious methods from a female woman of the opposite sex We had at least 5K in plastic that would have gone to such a worthy cause even if it meant resurfacing the stage area after said tumble. But should be be alarmed at this or the fact the Lord stated he would have done such dirty work for a fiver????? Is our beloved that cheap?!?

Like a true man of Scot, the money was flashed, and he pocketed it before proceeding to convert the wretched woman to pervidtude. I didn't see her complaining as he straddled her riddled body. At this point the Sisterhood went into meltdown at the very thought of the Lord doing this to them. (SHE DEVIL!) Did she think that she would be immune to the charms of the Lord and his 10". No woman can survive the onslaught of such power - unless said woman likes the taste of chicken. The Devilina was floored, she had no escape and our love reigned supreme. Here endeth the first lesson. However as the Devil and the Lord left the stage the Devilina tried once more and touched the sacred A.R.S.E. (Breathe Sister T), to which the Lord demanded another 50 quid. £!3 million had been raised. The Lord is indeed good!

The Sisters sat in shock at what had just happend before their eyes. The sacred vision had gone and now it was the turn to be bored to tears by Jonathan Toss. But we were rewarded as at 10pm our Lord decided that he wanted to be a Rock God and helped out with backing guitar for the very blessed Franz Ferdinand. Lots of facial manipulation and tongue action took place and a leg kick - which knocked the Sisters for six. There is nothing our Love cannot do.

The end of the nose of red day was drawing to a close, but I, weary viewer, stayed true and was rewarded when a drunken Lord returned to the screen to announce the final totalage. Praise be!

All in all it was a moment for the great unwashed of these United Kingdoms and the Sisters.

Let us pray that the Lord will come amongst us once more for the next Nose of Red day.

Tennant X

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