Thursday, 27 August 2009

Summer Madness

Dear Sisters and Acolytes

I see we have reached out and touched some new acolytes this month and we warmly welcome them all into the family of pervitude. We hope you have finally found your spiritual home and will remain perving happily till the end of your days. If not, and you find the Sisterhood less than you had hoped for, then good riddance and don't let the door hit you on your way out!

As the Summer draws to a close and the final Bank Holiday approaches (and I have to ask why the Banks need any more holibobs with what they have done to t'country - but I digress) the Sisters' minds turn to the Lord (praise his name and 10") and how he might take us into the darkest of winters this year.
So in no particular order this is what we can look forward to:

Doctor Who - Waters of Mars; Nightmares Reign; and the End of Time as well as the little sister show The Greatest Moments;
Hamlet - 3 hours of the Mardy Dane talking to a ghost with a few murrrrderrrrrrs thrown in;
St Trinians - The Lord Tenninch romping around in an all girls boarding school with a transvestite and Mr Darcy;
QI - The Lord showing his spoddy side and talking about sex a lot

Along with a radio spot with his mate Christian talking about gardening and relationships sort of 'Jeremy Kyle for Luvvies'.
No doubt there will be many short appearances on such shows as Breakfast News, GMTV, The One Show, and of course with this mate Wossy, as he plugs all these various projects.

Those acoloytes who live across the Pond will also have PBS (Masterbate) Masterpiece to look forward to shortly.

Announcements of future projects (such as the Riddler and the Hobbit) have yet to be made, so we can only assume that as September approaches, the Lord is once more claiming job-seekers allowance and will be forced into posing for the new Anne Summers catalogue, or even worse, doing voiceovers for Tesco and Argos to make ends meet. We will wait and see.

In the meantime the Lord himself, as some of you spotted, has been celebrating the end of the Summer by attending the V Festival last week. He (and his 10") was bitterly disappointed to discover that the Festival consisted of a series of slebs playing instruments and singing in tents rather than nubile young Virgins as he had expected. As you can see from the photographs, he did try his luck for a threesome with James Corden and his girlfriend but was put off by the voyeur sat next to them.

Whilst the Lord was trying to put his 10" in any sleb hole he could find, the Child and the Elf spent their time in the creche alongside Pixie Lott, Peaches Geldoff and Lily Allen making tiaras and decorating paper plates with different types of dried pasta . The Lord only met up with them once the Boys Who Proclaim had done their set and he had shagged all the women on the site.

Autumn will of course find the Lord alone in London as the Child will be moving to Cardiff next week to begin work on that long-running hospital drama assuming she can improve her reading to Key Stage 2 level so that she can say trachiotomy and order an MRI and C-Spine scan. We assume that she will have some love interest with a senior consultant and leave after 6 months to go work in Africa/have a love child/commit suicide. While she is away comparing shagging notes with the female payroll of BBC welsh wales, the Sisters will make their way to a certain street in North London and comfort the Lord in his solitude. And the Lord will be MOST grateful, several times a night.

This Sister is now signing off until September as I am needed to preach to the great unwashed in the Eastern part of the country.

Tennant x


Carole said...

Do my eyes spy thy Lord's underwear? sad that he was present with the Child and her elf..but nice to see that she was nowhere to be seen during the frivolity with our Lord playing daddy now?

Acolyte Mia said...

Ah, Sister, thank you for bringing us across the pond news of our Lord (praise be the 10"). What is wrong with that silly voyeur -- what a wasted opportunity (to hear of the unwashed, untutored masses is one thing, but to witness it -- simply a shameful waste of potential shagging!) We shall all immediately imagine ourselves in the wretch's place and commence au bloomer spoilage!

Sister Shagwell said...

Sisters, would I be right in thinking that the child and Elf will secure employment with one of the high street stores upon the run up to Christmas as Santa's little helpers???

As the Lord will be signing on once more for jobseekers, might I offer him employment within the hallowed offices of my lala land? The authority could do with another "Tool" to join the CYPS. I may not do any work should the Lord decide to come and walk the floor, however he may slip once he passes my desk!


Carole said...

The Child has appeared in a promotional video of her stint in 'Casualty' where she can play doctors and nurses(t'winterweb)...keeps her in crayons and colouring books i guess!...NOT a pretty sight!

Carole said...

My heart has broken as i've just seen an image of Lord and Child exiting the Ivy feasthouse joined at the hands...and not on his hip!

Sister Shagwell said...

Acolyte Carole

Do not dispair... it would seem that the child has finally learnt to walk. The Lord has worked miracles, although it seems that the child is rather a slow developer. The Sisters do believe that he had begun to teach her how to read, which will be a huge benefit as she tackles those big scripts and long words. We are hoping that the first thing she learns very quickly is EXIT, STAGE LEFT....

Anonymous said...

Don't know if you saw the picture, but Jennie Fava was also at V with them (photo of them posing for the camera arm in arm). So not exactly an intimate date.

Anonymous said...

Where is this said picture of Jennie Fava at the V Festival with David and The Child?

janettheweevil said...

Oh, actually I think I made a mistake, sorry. I checked the pic and DT's in a different outfit, so it's not from V. It was posted at the same time, in the middle of a flood of V pics, so (looking at blurry phone screen) I didn't look closely enough and assumed. Click on my name for the pic.

Caroole said...

On looking at said photo,t'tis my opinion that this could have been taken at the Ivy Feasthouse,the very night he took the Child to show her to use big knives and forks and to sit in the 'big girls' chair instead of the high chair...also i spy the grat storyteller that is Russell T Davies in the background...Jennie seems to be doomed to be in Davids' shadow and never the true 'love' sad!

Sister Chastity said...

Indeed Carole... your eyes do not deceive you.

The Lord is clothed in the crisp white shirt and stripy suit that he was wearing at the Ivy feasthouse - perhaps the evening was not as intimate as her majesty's gutter press would like to make us believe. A night out with the current gf and the ex - sounds like a barrel of laughs to me!!!! No Wonder the Child is such a Mardy Arse!

Sister Chastity said...

PS Thanks to Janettheweevil for the great pic - welcome to the Sisterhood :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much, janettheweevil, for sharing the pic.

I am new at posting here, but I have been reading your blog for quite sometime now. I am thoroughly enjoying the writing of the Sisters... Keep up the good work!

Carole said...

Dear Sisters,it has come to my attention that i am being 'head-hunted' and persecuted for having an opinion about the Child over on a 'celeb dating site'...tho' i may should have taken a vow of silence in such words,i needed to defend myself...Vile,horrid creatures insist that i be institutionalised and be wrapped up in a straight jacket for my crazed nature...i can only assume they have 'tracked' me from this place of Pervitude and from the Land of Twitter and are baying for my blood...may the Our Lord 10" (praise to his name) be my salvation!!!

Sister Shagwell said...

Dearest Carole

Sister C was having similar troubles with a few misguided fools who were so brazen to suggest that she "grow up". After much merriment at the Sisters' retreat (t'pub), Sister C was refrained from using the taplop to convey such rude words one would reserve for shouting at the Child or indeed Jeremy Clarkson.

The Sisters do take delight in tormenting these tortured souls - we are requesting that the school leaving age be raised to 21 should they continue to squeak on the Child's behalf. We have wondered if the child is actually doing this herself in an attempt to gain support.

Having carnal knowledge of the Lord is akin to reserving a first class ticket to Hell - or Windows Vista.

Ignore the rants of the children - it will soon be their bedtime.

I read in the Holy Book of Sun that the Lord has been granted an audience with Her Madge the Donna, as she desires his greatness to portray dirty boy Edward VII. Will he or won't he???