Friday, 2 October 2009

The Sisters Perform a Public Service

Sisters, Acolytes and T'interweb Followers (and the lovely FiatPanda!)

We have arrived in October and the Sisters have been reminiscing about a certain Hallowe'en weekend last year spent in the company of Our Lord *praise be his name and Teninch*. Personally I have purged from my memory an episode of public singing and the morning after effects of the very large Vodka poured by a fellow Sister. Apart from that however, memories of flouncy shirts, velveteen pants, red T shirts and tighty, whitey fencing tops are to the fore in our minds this month.

Almost a year on from our road trip to Stratford and the Sisterhood is still performing a public service in educating the unwashed of the weird wide web to the delights of our Lord and converting them to the Fellowship of Pervitude. Indeed, our public service role has been brought into sharp focus this week with the pleading of our tweeting acolytes to publicise some Lord Teninch related activities of their own. In a marked departure from the norm, the Sisters have conversed and agreed on this occasion to cede part of the blog over to the acolytes. So this is for them....

Fans of St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold in United States are joining together to Demand that St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold perform in United States. Click on the link to join the fray or just find out more

Hey David, Take Your Shirt Off! The Scottish actor David Tennant, best known for his role as the Tenth Doctor on the British sci-fi show, Doctor Who, is considered by fans the world over to be extremely talented, undoubtedly charismatic and very sexy! We, the undersigned, ask that Mr. David Tennant give serious consideration to the idea of having his highly aesthetically-pleasing physique photographed in a 'shirtless, jeans & barefoot' photoshoot for both posterity and the visual appeal of fans worldwide. Click here to pile on the pressure

OK that's your lot. Normal Service is resumed.

In the rest of the news this week. It is clear to the Sisters that the Lord has too much time on his hands as he has been living it up with the luvvies (and loving it up with the Child if Her Maj's Gutter Press are to be believed). He has been oot o'town with John Simm and Ricky Gervais at press nights and premieres. The Child was given special dispensation to stay up late on a school night to go see Speaking in Tongues. And judging by the pics above - she learnt her lessons well!

The Sisters wonder if the Lord has become so desperate for a job that he will soon be seen at every opening of an envelope or even maybe an appearance on Loose Women might be forthcoming. He is clearly concerned that unless he is seen at least 3 times a week in Londoom's West End he will be cast aside in the acting profession for a newer model (the Toddler? the Vamp? the speccy Wizard maybe?). We would like to reassure our Lord that our servitude will never wane and even when he is destitute and in the home for aged and befuddled thespians he can rely on our support and constant offers to come and sit by his bedside and *entertain* him.

I come to the end of this week's rambling, but I feel I cannot sign off without a thought for our Oirish Sister. We are missing her deeply and wish she would revisit the motherhouse as we feel certain that a tall scottish skinny Lord can heal her woes and return her to her former glory. Our prayers are with you Sister.

Tennant x


Anonymous said...

ROTFL... *entertain* him! Thanks for the public service announcements and for using my lovely masterpiece! it does things to me. ;D


Carole said...

I think that our Lord has too much time on his hands at a loss what to do,he decides to go on 'play dates' with the Child. It is of my own opinion that the Lord seems 'giddy' from his imbibe of alcohol,rather than cupid's arrow!In my eyes,he is sozzled!
Pray Sisters and Acolytes,that the Lord may one day seek solace in the caring and loving arms of the Sisterhood.
On other things...thy Lord in 'ecstatic throes' of facial expressions has me reaching out for fresh,clean bloomers!I may need to buy in bulk!

Sister Shagwell said...

Dearly beloved...

We are gathered here for one thing - to worship the Lord and his 10". Sister C and myself have come to the conclusion that the Lord (praise be his name and 10") has been lurking on the blog. If you recall we have made numerous comments regarding the Lord and child not looking a vision of being truly "loved up", then behold.... the next outing it appears that the Lord and child have feathers in their bloomers. I

I am of the opinion that our love was trying too hard to be happy, and I think that the child had been given too many e-numbers in the form of skittles sweeities. I bet she was a nightmare to put in her cot that night.

Lord, do not be swayed by the arms of a child - should you wish to experience the true meaning of the faces you are pulling in Sister C's posted visions, GET A REAL WOMAN!!!

Tennant x

Sister Chastity said...

The Sisterhood has just learnt some rather disturbing news, via our followers extensive network of contacts.

Without being too specific and whilst awaiting for official confirmation via the Holy Book of Sun we feel that all we can say is you've been rather careless Lord and I hope we get invited to the wetting of the head ceremony!

janettheweevil said...

Ooh, really? I saw Georgia drinking in a pub in Richmond a few days ago, hope that was before she found out if she is! Wonder why the Lad's buggered off to LA?

Anonymous said...

How did this information about the wee Child's possible condition come to be? Been trying to track the source via Twitter, but no luck.


Sister Chastity said...

The Sisters follow the strict code of conduct for the Clergy and anything spoken of in confession remains confidential.

Besides, if we revealed the source of the information, we'd have to kill you!

No really.... Rumour and gossip is just that - smoke and mirrors mainly. just dont hold your breath until the patter of tiny converses is heard on the streets of Crouch End!

Anonymous said...

Agree, this is about the ninth time she's been rumoured to be pregnant, going back over a year. She'd be gestating an elephant if all the rumours were true! Someone on that dating site once claimed to have met her and that she was visibly pregnant. If they want a family good for them, but she seems career-focused and they are not even living together yet. I'm sure he's old and experienced enough not to have oopsies with birth control.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh I see... Ok...smoke and mirrors..

Nah.. I won't hold my breath... I am just hoping that the Lord is covering his 10 inch with a long coat!


Anonymous said...

Didn't know the Lord was off to LaLa much for reducing his 'carbon footprint'..i read somewhere that he's over there to see his chum Kylie in concert...

Sister Chastity said...

Well the dimunitive aussie singer was playing at the Hollywood Bowl yestereve, so I guess he might have combined a boogie with an audition or two.

His carbon footprint must be the size of the Brazilian rainforest by now. Good job he drives a Penismobile around town and recycles his plastic isnt it! lol

Carole said...

Well i think he's 'been there' and 'done that'...i shall now lock myself in my room to hide from the retaliation!

Sister Shagwell said...

Sisters and Acolytes.

What is this I am reading? The child is career focused???? Does she have a career? I am confused which career we are talking about. The very brief part-time pretending career? Part-time elf minder career? Or part-time misery?

Then I remembered the full-time mardy arse career and the full-on time sponging off the Lord career. I am confused, dear people.

As to the recent speculation.... The Sisters lit the cauldron and made an offering. We hope that the parcel shortly arriving in Twickers will ensure that the child keeps her knickers on - forever!

The Holy Book of Sun has not fortold our deepest fears - Praise be! And shame on that public house for allowing underage drinking. Tsk!

Our Love is now in LALA Land to see the midget. I believe that the Midget was also performing with the God Damn Living Legend at the Hollyweird Bowl. Why did I not know about this previously - and why was I not in the presence of such greatness- 'cept the Midget.

Only smarties has the answer...
Tennant x

Anonymous said...

I think the 'child' has got more of a career than you oh bitter one. In fact more of everything than you...alas you are destined to be second best. Keep on praying sisters.

Sister Shagwell said...


Anon - I respect your opinion, but I maintain my own.

The Child is very welcome to my career - infact I would like her to experience what real work is really like.

Now, it must be past your bedtime, so off you go. Don't forget to pick up your teddy that you threw out of the cot.

Night night.

Anonymous said...

Oh Alison, the most incoherent of all the 'sisters'. What must it be like to be filled with such rage at the injustice of meaning nothing to the only man who means anything to you? How much you must hate the 'child' for having everything you will never have...oh i pity each and everyone of you, deeply...but keep writing, please. My friends and i have never come across such spewing of desperation on the interweb and it keeps us entertained for hours! Thanks x

mcfangirl said...

OHHH! It all makes sense now! Of COURSE it would take CHILDREN HOURS to read a simple 'rage-filled' blog.

I'm so thick sometimes.

Sarah said...

Oh, it seems that some "anonymous" children got bored of talking to walls on another website...
Well, the thing is this Holy place is designed for grown up sisters who can actually understand (and spell) words like "joke" or "irony"... I know, three syllables, the last one is tricky...

Dear little Anon, listen to Sister Shagwell, pick up your teddy and go to sleep :)

Anonymous said...

Ah bless the lemmings speak out in defence of their leader!...sadly there aren't that many are there? :( Ha! Keep it up ladies x

Sarah said...

Well, we might be lemmings, but at least we've got opinions that we're proud of, and names to match... little Anon ;)

mcfangirl said...

omg, i'm a lemming! An ADULT lemming! sweeeet!

i'm sure the Lord (blessed be ALL of him!) would be most content to know he has 'lemmings' to proselytize his name unto the masses now. heh heh.

Laura said...

Get a life 'Anon' .. At least the people posting here are doing so because they like it... Why don't get a life and do something else if you don't? Oh and don't try and pretend you have 'friends' ..

Sister Shagwell said...

Anon, I was most impressed with the new words you have learnt:

Did you crayon them all by yourself?

I quite like rage. Rage is a good word - and you seem to be consumed with it. I admire your defence for the part-time, bit-part Child, but on this occasion I believe that it is you and your cyber 'friend' that are the ones who are desperate for attention from someone who quite possibly will never know you exist.

Now run along as it must be near bedtime. Don't forget to clean your toothy pegs and say your prayers.

Sister Chastity said...

Ok at 24 comments I think this post has outlived its uselfulness.

I have received a missive this very evening from her unholiness the Mother Superior delivered by a troup of 30 naked dwarves brandishing sonic screwdrivers. This missive has requested that the Sisters return to pray before the 40" Altar this weekend for penance after taking such great pleasure from trading insults with the great unwashed of the T'interweb.

We have agreed to say 500 Hail Ten-inches and watch Blackpool on a continuous loop for 24 hours as our punishment. Those Sisters who remain tempted to tease trolls after this will be forced to watch the Girl in the Fireplace and The Doctor's Daughter.

And now, the end is near;
And so we face the final curtain.
My friends, we'll say it clear,
We'll state our case, of which we're certain.

Regrets, we've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
We did what we had to do
And saw it through without exemption

We planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,

Thank you and Goodnight xxxx

Anonymous said...

Ummm Sarah could what are these opinions of which you speak?...And allison, dear Allison! I know your only form of defence is always to call people children and thus write in a slighly worrying baby speak ie. Crayons etc. But please do come up with something slightly more inventive quick. If you don't there is a rather large chance you lemmings will see you for the dried up, bitter, uneducated, hideous looking creature you are...and we wouldn't want that now would we? ;) lots of love wackos! x

Acolyte said...

Does anyone know if the Lad has returned from his time in LaLa land?

Anna said...

The 'anon' freak, is clearly the nutter from WDW.. Not as 'anon' as their fantasies will let them be as they haven't even got the brain cell required to disguise their writing..Oh dear oh deary me.. Anyway, I think it's safe to say they can be ignored.. I'm sure they'll be sectioned soon enough.

Sister Shagwell said...

Dear Acolytes

It is the weekend and all is well. I do not know if the Lord has stopped in LALA Land. I'm sure he could find something to amuse himself with, apart from Soppy!

Hello Anon, I'm glad you stopped by the other evening. I see your rage has not subsided. You really must've been in such a state as your reply to Sarah and myself had a few errors. My word, you really must've stamped out those words.

I think you meant to use the word 'your' instead of 'you' lemmings. Also, at the beginning of your last rant you were the one to be incoherent.... Ummm Sarah could what are these opinions of which you speak?

It's nice hearing from you. Next time, just send a postcard.

As for all your other little comments all I can add is nature played a cruel trick on you -- you lived.

Now, I'm bored of your hormonal rages. Do the world a favour and become a missing person.

TTYN - as that other silly little bint, Paris would say.

Acolytes, I have now been doomed to watch GITF and Dr's Sprog. Deep joys - Not.

Anonymous said...

Ah sweet Alison I fear I may have hit a nerve! No amount of big words and attempted humour can hide that. I ask only one thing. Please in the future can sister chastity respond as she is far the greater talent. Love to you all ladies x

Sister Shagwell said...