Friday, 19 March 2010

"The Ex" is Coming Home





Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

Early this morn the Sisters were in receipt of a missive which doth please our hearts greatly. The Daily Fail did write upon the T'interweb that Sophia Myles (aka 'Soppy' or 'the Biatch') is coming home to Eng-er-land to favour her considerable *talents* upon the set of Spooks, thereby replacing the indomitable Hermione Norris and taking her rightful place beside Richard *Sir Guy of Gisbourne* Armitage. And why doth this please the Sisters so, I hear you cry at your laptops? Well being that you asketh us so politely, I shall tell, though it is a sad story and may upset the wee ones. 


Sophia was a young, blonde actress, lured to the bright lights of the BBC Welsh Wales studio in Cardiff. The BBC kitted her out in a cast-off dress from Dame Helen Mirren and made her snog the Time Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch*. What chance did the poor mite have? After the Lord rode in on a white stallion and saved her from the robot men, He then took his reward from her in the suite at the St David's Hotel and Spa. 

After a couple of years doing the showbiz rounds of premieres (Harry Potter); V Festivals; and charity pop concerts, (although even here the Lord managed some *backstage time* with the scantily clad Pussycat Dolls), it seemed that the couple were destined for each other: a girl who was clearly in love (and who can blame her?) and the Lord Ten-inch who was quite happy with a bit of blonde skirt on his arm.

Then disaster struck! Dun..dun..dun....

Soppy was offered a career in a vamp sitcom across the Pond. Oh what to do? Stay with her Lord and master or let British Airways whisk her away to fame and fortune? Surely the Lord would wait for her? Alas! How wrong she was! No sooner had she unpacked her cases in the hotel room in LALAland than her mobile rang. How dare she get a career in Hollywood before Him! Didn't she realise that He was the famous Actor in this relationship?

It was over. She bought a dog and complained to all her friends about how homesick she was. Her vamp series lasted a while, then got cancelled by crappy, american TV execs and gradually her name faded into the past. The Lord however, went from strength to strength being crowned *greatest Time Lord of all time*. His greatest frustration however, was that no matter how hard he tried, Hollywood doors remained firmly closed to Him. He took a new blonde to keep the Ten-inch entertained and worked all the hours in the week voicing adverts for cheap mobile phone networks and soup-making machines just to keep her in crayons and colouring books.

And now Sophia is BACK! We are anticipating tantrums in Twickers and maybe a *school reunion* or two in the back rooms of the Ivy!

In honour of Soppy's return, the Sisters have corrupted this little ditty from the Eng-er-land Football team...

We still believe, we still believe, we still believe
She's coming home,
She's coming home, She's coming
Sophia's coming home


Tears for Lad dressed in grey
No plans for a wedding day
Stay in bed, drift away
It could have been all
Songs in the street
It was nearly complete
It was nearly so sweet
And now Im singing

Paul Smith on the shirt
Diamond ring still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming


Talk about Sophia coming home
And then one night in the Ivy
They were strong, they had grown
And now I see He's ready for war
She's as good as before
The Lord's ready to score
And the Child is screaming

Paul Smith on the shirt
Diamond ring still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming

We can dance the Lad's dance
We could dance it in France


She's coming home, She's coming home,
Sophia's coming home....

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

I do hope they get back together. They made a lovely couple!

Anonymous said...

STILL not the brightest bulb in the box but definitely one of those long-lasting, eco-friendly ones. XD

truth is, i'm still holding out for Kate Winslet or Romola Garai, LOL!

Deniese said...

Methinks the lad used Sophia's move to LA as an excuse to dump her since he was already bored with her so I wouldn't hold my breath waiting on them to reunite.

Cindy said...

I'm cute and blonde, if he's looking to get away from the Child. ;)

Anonymous said...

I think Sophia's been back in the UK for about a year, though not working, apparently. She stuck around in LaLa Land for a few months after the vamp squib folded, and then returned to London.

I'm holding out for Carey 'Sally Sparrow' Mulligan!
Acolyte Agatha, Paisley-on-Sea

Anonymous said...

Hilarious blog. Not forgetting that Soph is going to be in the'real spooks' whilst the child made do with dire spinoff. Soph is not the greatest but lets face it anything is an improvement from the smirking smug child and her smirking smug dad.

Sister Shagwell said...

Happy days are here again. I missed a good bitch fest at Soppy!

animoscrypt said...

I think she's a good actress- besides it seems to me at least she's gone to where she's been ( okay the Vampire show did suck )on her own.

Good on her.

Acolyte McSkinny said...

Our Lord begins filming his drama for BBC Scotland on Monday...while the Childs away,maybe our Lord will play!

Anonymous said...

Kate, Romala and Carey are all fine actresses and bright women but I fear the Lord has dumbed down far too much to want any of them. Each of his girlfriends have gotten younger and unfortunately dimmer. The Lord probably doesnt have to try very hard with the child and she will drop everything (forgive the pun) to fly to his side, including her parenting responsibilities.

Juliet

Anonymous said...

I don't think he's dumbed down. Not really. Not consciously. In fact, it has occurred to me rather often that DT is a true workaholic and a true savant-craftsman. He actually does live to act. I wonder if ANY woman will ever match the fulfilment he receives from the job of acting. I see his job as THE true lover in his life. It must give him so much intellectual and emotional satisfaction, as well as affirming him of his credibility and worth as a person. What younger, less experienced, less intellectually rigorous woman could ever hope to match this? And these are the kind of woman he tends to go for. Sadly, imho. [His eventual kids, however, will be massively loved and appreciated. I can't see him ever ignoring their needs or neglecting his relationship with them.]
No, I have no reason to give why I think this. It's gut instinct, based on a few years of experience of this thing called Life.
Acolyte Agatha, Paisley-on-Sea

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree with Acolyte Agatha more! The lad does seem to be a bit of a workaholic. Let us hope that he takes the words of The Bard's Sonnet 2 to heart as he approaches the last year of his third decade of life:

"When forty winters shall beseige thy brow,

And dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field,

Thy youth's proud livery, so gazed on now,

Will be a tatter'd weed, of small worth held:

Then being ask'd where all thy beauty lies, 

Where all the treasure of thy lusty days, 

To say, within thine own deep-sunken eyes, 

Were an all-eating shame and thriftless praise.

How much more praise deserved thy beauty's use, 
If thou couldst answer 'This fair child of mine 
Shall sum my count and make my old excuse,'

Proving his beauty by succession thine! 

This were to be new made when thou art old, 
 And see thy blood warm when thou feel'st it cold."

Acolyte Bobbi of The Lone Star

Anonymous said...

Beautifully put Acolyte Agatha. I do though hope in my heart that this isnt the one that sticks although I feel that she aint going anywhere whether taking second place to his work or not. I just feel lots of trouble ahead with her and her family . He does deserve the very best and well.....

On another note, anyone seen him in his homeland today?
Juliet x

Anonymous said...

Is anybody there??

[When our boy goes to ground, he REALLY goes to ground, yeah? Even when he's working! Quite right,too.]

Acolyte Agatha, Paisley-on-Sea, [in penitential isolation?]

Anonymous said...

My biggest fear for Our Lord is that he will not leave the child and will bank on her already having a spawn of her own and use that comfortable knowledge to replicate his likeness. I have no doubt that any children of Our Lord will be well loved and appreciated, but I wonder which woman will sink her hooks into him enough to get the ultimate prize, the title of "Mother to the Lord's children". Let us pray it is not the child.
~Acolyte Jealousy

Novice Hame said...

He's been around. There have been a number of sightings from Glasgow of him filming Single Father the last couple of weeks. He and the Child (ick) were both photographed by a fan in London last weekend but they did their usual thing of avoiding being photographed together. (on Twitter but her name as always misspelled as Moffat). Apparently not engaged.

Anonymous said...

Well yes sisters it seems like the Lord is allowing the 'family' to parade him around like a prize bull again at childs mums drama school. Child can then pretend to be a 'star' whilst they continue to milk their association. The Lord even endured a gruelling train journey back down south to be reunited with the child causing her to smirk even more (if that is possible). Will he ever see the light? I think I could stand to see him with anyone other than the child.
Novice Hame where was he pictured with the child in London? Is this the same sighting as the drama school or has he been out twice??
Juliet

Anonymous said...

I have read on her facebook that she is engaged (her privacy setting were turned off for a bit) I don't understand though? You said they wouldn't last? I was banking on you knowing the truth...what should we do? Luce

Novice Hame said...

Juliet, yes it was the drama school sighting I was referring to.

GM did not briefly make turn off her privacy settings and her FB does not mention them being engaged. Expect anyone to believe that? Don't supposed you have caps? The amount of people over the past two years who've thought it funny to get a rise out of fans by claiming they're engaged, married or expecting.

Anonymous said...

This is an April Fools, right? Funny.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Novice Hame.x

Well Luce I presume its an April fool. If the child indeed did have a ring I am sure her daddy would have bragged to all by now and the little one would have instructed her buddies to let everyone know
Juliet

Anonymous said...

She isn't going to wear a ring is she? I mean that would be stupid and dt would advise against it as then ever paper in the land would know about it. Her privacy settings were turned off for a bit as I may ;o have tried to request her! Didn't read her page though. Oh and she still hasn't said yes or no to my request so fingers crossed! Oh the fun I'd have. Lindy K

Anonymous said...

It's after midday so April Fools is over. GM has her FB set so no one can friend request her. Look at her page and see if there is an 'Add friend' button. Even if you could, trying to friend request someone would not give you access to their page. I don't believe for one second that she briefly decided to make her page public and that by some amazing coincidence only one person saw it and they happen to be a poster here.

Sister Chastity said...

I fear someone has been hoodwinked by the fake Child page on the book of Face. The real Child has been private since the *wedding pic* fiasco of a few months ago.

Sarah said...

I don't like Sophia much, and I wouldn't like to see her coupled with David again. I'd rather Georgia Moffett was with him (because I actually like her) than Sophia.
Anyway, great blog!

Sister Chastity said...

Sarah you may be outnumbered here in your liking of the Child. But each to their own. I would like to see him with a more mature woman who is his equal in talent and intelligence rather than a blonde ... well lets just say rather than her!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you too Sarah. I like Georgia but I can see that this blog is very funny! I'd say we aren't put numbered anywhere apart from on this blog but it's good to have alternative opinions, that's what life is all about! Well done sisters, love Orla x

Natalie said...

what wedding pic was this sister chastity? im curious to know...

Anonymous said...

While scrubbing penitential pots in the scullery this morning [please, let Lent end soon!], I did see on cook's computer the drama school pics thou spake of. Methinks the Lord is looking a little haggard in the face again. I fear his journeyings twixt Glasgow and Twickers, responding to the conflicting siren calls of Duty and Love, are wearying him. That familiar bright smile cannot hide the truth from the True Devotee. I need my Lord to look always beautiful, desirable, inspirational. It's a tenet of the One True Religion, i'faith. [And he needs to wear his hair longer, ackshully, cos it suits his face better.]
Acolyte Agatha, Paisley-on-Sea

baevers said...

Almost ANYONE but the Child, please! I simply don't understand his refusal to be photographed with her. I understand the need for privacy, but at this point, is he fooling anyone? This gives me a small glimmer of hope that he is not as attached as it would seem.

Anonymous said...

I will echo others - anyone but the child . The Lord of theatre mixing with B listers is so beneath him. How is he not irritated by the overly plummy simperings of the child and her laughable acting.

Sister Chastity said...

Acolyte Agatha, forsooth where be it, this image of our Lord? We wish to peruse the evidence.....

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it is her who doesn't want to be pictured with him?! She has made that mistake before with an ex and has said that she regrets that. This is an option is it not? I do not mind the child as I do think she is a good actress and I have been a fan bt (before tennant) but I do agree it's strange they refuse to be seen 'together'! By this stage with others he had practically had is name tatooed on his forehead. Hummm? Hail the sisters... Melissa (from Oxford)

Novice Hame said...

B list? Charitable, but it is Easter. I'm sure GM is a very sweet girl, but she comes across as very immature and none too bright, wouldn't such an accomplished man want an itellectual equal as a life partner? I adore Anne-Marie Duff, so talented, shame it didn't work out. I would also have loved to see him date Bille or Jennie Fava, they seem to have such close friendships with him. I like that this blog is open to different opinions.

Cindy said...

I hope that David, as well as all of his blessed followers have a lovely Easter weekend. <3

Anonymous said...

Natalie, GM's mother and one of her friends posted pics of DT and GM at her mother's wedding reception on their FB pages, which were at the time set to public.

Happy Easter everyone!

Anonymous said...

Happy Easter everyone.
Juliet x

Anita said...

I just want The Lord to make lots of movies etc, but this business with the Child's Family using The Lord's Acting Creds to get themselves noticed?

ickickick-