The Holidays are Coming

Dear Sisters


So the Coca-Cola advertisement returneth to 40" altars around the land signalling that the Festive Season is now upon us. This year the celebrations in the Sisterhood will be somewhat muted by the lack of our Time Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch* adorning our televisual equipment. One acolyte has spotted that the Lord is to be found in the company of naughty schoolgirls in the lead up to the Big Event, but I fear that a Christmas Day without the Lord Ten-inch to perve after the turkey, stuffing and xmas pud is just not the same.


The Lord is of course currently in the country of  the Cheryl "wye-eye pet" Cole  filming something entertaining about a bunch of Man U players getting iced in Munich. I am sure that he fits in very well with the Geordies and is enjoying a few bottles of Newkey Brown with the lads of the Toon Army. We are awaiting our first images of the Lord with a 50's haircut...


Of course, the Lord wouldnt be the Lord Ten-inch if he wasnt busy doing some very odd things in the name of chasing the almighty dollar. He can be seen each week on the Chris *give me some eye bleach now* Moyles Quiz Show attempting to foil his fellow celebrities with some extremely dodgy impressions. Fine Actor though the Lord undoubtably is, he is no John Culshaw when it comes to impressions. Nevertheless, this tacky show has led to yet another fabulous sound-bite. Who could possibly resist our Lord impersonating the legend that is Tom *I'm from Wales you know* Jones and uttering the phrase "suck my Sex Trumpet" - There are some things that are worth the TV Licence Fee all on their own!


So, November has been a quiet month for the Sisterhood: little news and little to perve and as we move into the final weeks of 2010 we predict that:
1) the Kiddies will be getting excited about the prospect that the Lord has been buying diamonds in the North (where no doubt they are cheaper) and will go down on bended knee on the day when Christ and the Child celebrate their birthdays; and
2) there will be a weeping and a wailing on boxing day when the kiddies wake up to find the world hasn't changed and the Lord is still a commitment-phobe


An eagle-eyed Acolyte spotted a tweet a few days ago (see earlier blog comments) from a sleb who is likely to be an acquaintance, if not a friend, of the Lord's which I have posted a pic of below. I wonder if indeed Christian O'Connell has unleashed a beast by introducing the Lord to the power of the Bird that Tweets and he is now using that same medium to toy with his fans...intriguing.....


Keep the Faith Sisters, the Lord's time will come again and he will Rise from the ashes of the BBC schedules like a Phoenix rising from the fires of Hell.


Tennant  xx




If you can't read the Tweet it says
"@monstroso And does anyone know if there's any truth in the rumour that David Tennant's partner is expecting a baby?"



The Darkest Hour is Just Before Dawn

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and Followers,

This day, the eleventh day of the eleventh month in the year of our TimeLord *praise be his name and teninch* Two Thousand and Ten will go down in the Annuls of the Sisterhood as one of the darkest of our tenure upon this fair land. Yes Sisters, this is the day that an image appeared on the world wide T'interweb confirming our worst fears to be true. Such image is reproduced (excuse the pun) at the end of this Blog to enable Sisters to gather such implements as may be necessary to scrape the retinas of all sane women before setting ones eyes upon the travesty of nature.

Of what can I be referring? What can be so terrible as to require such extreme precautions to be taken? What can have made the Sisters' blood run cold(der) this wintry evening?

None other than a image which seems to confirm that Our Wondrous Lord hath been purchasing and using an inferior brand of condoms which hath resulted in an accident of monstrous proportions. Either that or the Child has put a pin through the packet. Whichever the reason, it seems that the Child has been the recipient of the blessed gift of the Lord's Sperm in such quantity as to render her with child. A gift I might add that the Sisters themselves had been preparing for these many long nights alone in their bare, spartan cells, with only a DVD of Blackpool for company.

Having gotten over the initial turmoil and trauma of such a sight, a series of questions have come to the forefront of our minds. Such as:

1) As it appears he is following his political allegiences and like Red Ed, not marrying the strumpet that is carrying his offspring, I wonder if this will also stretch to not being named on the birth certificate?

2) Will indeed he marry said Strumpet and will she walk down the aisle in virginal white or the more customary black? Will the wanna-be-inlaws insist on the film crew for 4 weddings be there as they were for their own wedding?

3) Will we have to put up with the Kiddies and the GM shippers gloating and cooing for the next 6 months?

All these questions and more will be answered in the realm of Social Media over the coming days and weeks. In the meantime, HOLY BOOK OF SUN and DAILY FAIL, pull your fingers out, this is a much bigger story that the XFactor rigged votes crap that has been adorning your front pages this week.

I can see it now

"EX-DOCTOR GETS DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER UP THE DUFF - friends of the couple say they are very happy though they have no plans to marry at this time. Georgia Moffett 25, trapped David Tennant, 39 whilst playing a bit part in the well loved Doctor Who series. Although her career has never taken off, she is happy to leach off the talent and charisma of her boyfriend. Her parents (wannabe luvvies Peter Davidson, currently starring in a west end musical alongside a dog and Sandra Dickinson currently doing Panto somewhere obscure) are said to be ecstatic that their daughter has finally landed the big fish. David's family refused to comment."

They say the darkest hour is just before dawn, let's hope the sun rises soon on a new day for the Lord.

Tennant x

the Lord works in mysterious panel game shows

 Dear Sisters,

The Lord left us bemused and confuddled on the night of last Monday with his rather bizarre appearance on what was billed in the most Holy Radio Times (other listing magazines are available) as a "comedy panel show". He was, as always, accompanied by a small blonde of the female persuasion - no not The Child on this occasion but by the very delectable Rita Simons (aka Roxy from Eastbenders).

The camera caught His eye turning to her assets on more than one occasion and he brazened it out by pretending to be intently listening to the crap being spouted about cocks crowing!

The comedy element of this show eluded me, seeming to rely mostly upon a welshman ranting, a giant trying to knock himself out, an australian with a false leg and a weird non-sleb trying to emulate the idiocy of Karl Pilkington. But enough about the non-show. The main event was the Adjudicator, in the person of our Lord David Tennant *praise be his name and Ten-inch*

David was given a little notebook and access to the wilds of the T'nterweb and throughout the show he speaketh from the Book of Web and showed clips from the Holy Visionary YouTubeth. At one point, he got to arm wrestle the idiot and of course lost, prompting fangirls around the globe to shout *wimp* *wimp* *wimp* in unison at the 40" altar.

Why you may ask have I chosen to blog about this rather insignificant little bbc programme when the main event this week was clearly The Lord getting nekkid and jumping into the sack with Suranne Jones on Single Father. Go on then..... ask why?

Oh alright, I'll tell you. The main reason this blog focuses on Ask Rhod Gilbert (who? you ask?) is because i have been unable to download all the Single Father pics - awwwwww. Also it is predicatable that I would blog about seeing the Lord's nipples and chest hair and the wee dimples in his back just above the waistband of his grey Primark boxers. And that once I had started to describe the tender way his lips met those of Suranne and his heavy breathing punctuated his gently thrusting hips, I would be unable to continue this bl.....

just in case we didnt know who he was!

Phoning up the Sisters for a menage a trois?

He looked a bit expert at undoing zips....

The Lord is a media whore (and we love him for it!)

As the world and her pet micropig know, the Lord *praise be his name and teninch* has been media whoring Single Father around the chat show circuit this week.

We have been variously treated to his dulcit tones on the transistor radio, and his gorgeous visage upon the 40" Altar both for Auntie Beeb and the other, commercial, lot!

When not busy promoting his works, he has been treading the boards with some cronies, doing impersonations of Richard Burton and David Cassidy, reading the most salacious parts of their autobiographies to some fortunate punters in Londoom.

He also graced the Royal Hall of Albert, to support his most faithful disciple John the Barrowman in his little singing show. What japes there must have been in the green room backstage after the show!

Indeed, so industrious has he been since landing back in Londoom from New Mexico, that one wonders where he has found the time to sleep, let alone become re-aquainted with the female in his life. This sister has pondered long on whether the need to spend so much time in the company of others is a defence mechanism against the other option of cosy nights in front of the goggle box watching re-runs of the Bill and Spooks Code 9.

Whatever the reasoning for his workaholic nature, we thank him for the hours of bloomer combusting material that he has released upon an unsuspecting world this past seven-day. With the promise of weeping, wailing and a much over-recorded sex scene to keep us entertained over the forthcoming four Sabbath evenings, I fear that womanhood may never be the same again. Certainly the image of the Lord being covered in micropig excrement is a live TV moment that I shall treasure for sometime to come! Oh to have been the lucky ITV employee who had to cleanse his lap with wetwipes, whilst Robbie Williams was singing *SHAME*!

The Lord has been teasing us this week with the promise of future goodies - a play perhaps, or a film musical? Whatever the future holds for you Lord, the Sisters will be here to ensure the T'internet never forgets you. Trending on Twitter is such an ephemeral accolade - one day David Tennant is #1, the next it's a dweeb from the xfactor - or worse still Anne bloody Widdecombe!

And so with a mere 90 mins remaining before the Lord takes to the 40" altar, I implore the Acolytes to gather unto you boxes of Kleenex, bags of minstrels and your smart phones and await the Lord in all his glory do what he does best!

Tennant x

In atonement for my sins

Dear Sisters and Acolytes,

I have been remiss of my pervitudely duties lately and need to beg the forgiveness from my fellow sisters and acolyte followers of this meagre attempt at communicating with the perving masses. Not only have I not put fingers to keyboard in weeks except in toil and twittering, I have been unfaithful to the Lord in the shape of a shirtless Bradley James (Prince Arthur) on the past two sabbath eves.

I have no excuses with which to temper my sinful behaviour, I have simply been idle in the times between bouts of toil in the land of *cut, cut and cut again* and have taken solace in the visions of a younger, blonder manchild. I trust when the Lord returns to the 40" altar next month, he will cleanse my soul and wash away all thoughts of such young, smooth flesh and I will be reborn into his glorious service. 

I will take such punishment as the Sisters deem fit for these sins and await my fate stoically and with some perverse excitement.

In the meantime, in the world of our Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch* excitement is building for Single Father following a successful showing to the great and the good of our British goggle-box industry. Auntie Beeb is being curiously reticent about publicising this worthy work of our Lord. As yet, no trailers have been seen across the network, and an airdate has still to be confirmed. Let's hope that the full marketing machinery of the BBC is behind this drama and the Lord takes to plugging it at every available opportunity - breakfast tv, the one show, richard and judy...OK maybe not R&J!

Also sneaked out is a publicity shot for Peter Vincent in Fright Night. What a turn-up! Little did we know that Ghost of Christmas Present would indeed be a blueprint for a gothic magician vampire hunter! Little more needs to said about this ... fangirls must do what fangirls must do when presented with a picture like that!

I hope that I have made some small atonement for my sins of the past few weeks and await my cleansing by the Lord.

Tennant

Addendum dated 23rd of this month of September

Sisters and Followers, it seems I have been depriving you all of visions of the Lord which have been released on the t'interweb. I understand that the need for these craven images is great in the sisterhood so sparsely has our Lord graced the lens of cameras recently. I am further informed that this very day the gracious souls of the BBC press office wilst release the first date whenst the Lord's creation Single Father will be let loose to fly over the airwaves and onto the 40" altars in our domestic living quarters. Such date will be revered and rejoiced upon by all in the Sisterhood and we must commence our plans for the Mass of Jubilation which will be performed on the eve of such a momentus event. In honour of this day, please feast your oculatory organs on the beauties below. Several of these I believe were lovingly constructed by a fellow devotee on a certain social networking site - may the TimeLord bless her and keep her Photoshop in pristine order.

Tennant x

The Lord walketh upon a carpeting of red

Sisters, Acolytes and Followers


As you all have discovered, our Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch* did step out amongst the luvvies of Hollyweird at a little annual shindig called the Emmy's on Sunday eve.


Many fangirls were heard to utter a little *sigh* when seeing the Lord all clad in Gothic black with those pointy boots upon his size 11s. Discerning fangirls also muttered quietly about the lack of suitable seamstress in the locale of The Angels who could have taken a few centimetres from the sleeve and the trouser legs. Maybe we can forgive the tailoring - it must be difficult to concentrate when measuring the Lord's inside leg.


The moving images of the Lord wending his way along said carpet of red doth show that he is still a little uncertain of the american way of doing things. Whilst other males and females of the species, many clad in gaudy attire of reds, blues and silver did sway and swagger along, posing for the many watchers of such preening to capture their image in full High Definition megapixels, the Lord seemed more thoughtful and somewhat shy even. I wonder whether he felt himself to be a "bit of a fraud" having yet to land a success on the other side of the Pond. Your time will be upon us soon Oh Lord. Indeed, Single Father is already being heralded as a potential BAFTA winner next year and it has yet to be perused by the eyes of the great and the good let alone fed to the great unwashed of our shores!


So in closing, I give thanks  to our Lord for braving the awfulness that is an award ceremony and for giving us yet more gorgeous visions to adorn laptops, smartphones and other *ahem* paraphenalia. I believe there may be more to come (no pun intended) if the tweets from the wilds of New Mexico are to be believed!

Tennant x

The wait (sic) of expection

Sisters, Acolytes and followers,

News has reached us that the publicity machine for one of the Lord's great works is starting to swing into action. Tomorrow, the wondrous pamphlet the Radio Times (other listing magazines are available but i wouldn't bother) has printed the Lord's name on it's front cover to ensure that an additional 100,000 copies are bought by hormonal women who are gagging for news of the Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch* to break the drought since he disappeared from the 40" altar last New Year.

It seems Auntie Beeb is planning the Autumn Schedules and Single Father will be broadcast to the great unwashed sometime during the season, though naughty auntie is teasing us by not providing a date as yet. As we know the Lord is a media whore when it comes to publicising his new shows and I am wondering (in the absence of Wossy) where he might turn up... BBC Breakfast... GMTV... The One Show... Loose Women? No, not the last one I think, far too tempting for the ten-inch!

This expection is some small consolation for hearing that he has been replaced in Retreat, though I was never keen on that story. I do hope that this means that he has some new project lined up from September, otherwise I fear it will be back to School Runs and watching wannabe-mummy-in-law in panto with her toyboy husband. Oh Lordy!

And as the heavens open once more above the Isles that we call British, I wish all our followers a lovely Summer Bank Holiday (or whatever the equivalent may be around the globe).

Tennant x

In celebration of David Tennant's Arse

In the downtime between the end of Decoy Bride and the commencement of Fright Night, I feel that the arse of our Lord *praise be his name and tenninch* is in need of some attention. (By arse I mean his physical attribute upon which he seats himself, not the small blonde thing which is often appended to his body). So here are some wondrous sights that have graced the 40" altar, or been allowed to roam free amongst us on the T'interweb. Behold the Lord and marvel at his features for He is the Power and Glory that leadeth us into temptation. Amen and Hallelujah!