The Lord searches for gainful employment

Sisters

Firstly we give thanks for our recently joined acolytes. To the Sisters' surprise we have now reached a grand total of 60. It seems that the Lord continues to attract followers to His Church e'en though he is no longer providing personal sermons from the 40" altar. May our new acolytes gain some semblance of solace and comfort in the House of Pervitude whilst the Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch* seeks gainful employment at the Gordon Brown Centre for Jobs in glorious Crouch End.

As you can see from above he is perusing daily London's Evenin' Standard for a reason to get dressed in the morning. So far he has been turned down for School Crossing Patrol Operative and Pizza Delivery Driver. His options are dwindling so the Sisters have stepped in to assist the Lord in his search.  

We have acquired, through the usual nefarious means, a copy of the Lord's latest CV which he has uploaded to http://www.fish4jobs4luvvies.com/. We felt that a wider publication of His skills and experience might be help to find Him suitable employment.

_________________________________________________________________

Name David Tennant (aka The Lord Ten-Inch)

Age 38 but acts like a teenager on heat most of the time

Skills and Knowledge

Excellent understanding of equality and diversity issues through spending last 4 years travelling in a blue wooden box meeting many diverse cultures.

Excellent with electrical equipment. Ability to fix almost anything with a couple of wires and a sonic screwdriver

Very fit. Always running around. Manual handling may be a problem due to a long standing back injury

Excellent work ethic - never sleep or eat.

Ability to motivate others and engender feelings of love and loyalty in both close work colleagues and wider society.

Able to speak in different accents - Estuary English, Scottish, Welsh and American are most practiced, though will give anything a go. Very popular for answerphones and SATNAV voice-overs.

Ability to make ladies (and gentlemen of a certain bent) to swoon and require an immediate change of bloomers with a single look. Excellent understanding of when to use this ability and when to hide behind aviators and a baseball cap. 

Clean Driving licence (since changing car to a Toymota Penis)

Can start immediately and would consider travel to anywhere for regular work

Experience

Extensive management experience having recruited several new personal assistants in recent past.

Experience of being a radio DJ having stood-in for the mighty Wossy on a number of occasions

Experience of taking clothes off on stage - would consider again in the name of *art*

Considerable childminding experience of late.

Please email me @ davidtennantislookingforwork@hotmail.co.uk with any open positions.Will consider anything.

_________________________________________________________________

Let us pray Sisters that the Lord finds employment that will keep the wolf from the door and Himself away from the school gates for some months to come.

Tennant x x x

Busy doing nothing....

Our Lord *praise be his name and Ten-inch* seems to be keeping himself busy doing good deeds and charity work whilst waiting for his call -up from the Colonies.

On Tuesday this week he was to be seen breaking bread and sharing a cup with the needy of the media world at the David Tennant Covers party - sorry I mean the Radio Times Covers Party. He was seen comforting the likes of Jimmy Nesbitt, Graham Norton and Ben Miller with the promise that Doctor Who will no longer grace the front of the RT for fear that the Toddler might scare the kiddies and if Amy were on the front in her belt that body doubles for a skirt, the magazine would need to be placed on the top shelf. We are not sure what was added to his beverage at the event but it had a strange effect on his facial expressions! This was likely to be a clear attempt at sabotage from the more beauty-challenged z list slebs at the party. We also noted with pleasure that Phil Collinson had descended from the Frozen North to attend the soiree. (there is no need to comment who else was there - the pictures were posted in the Holy Book of Sun two days running!)

It seems the Lord may have taken his charitable work a little too far and given nearly all his clothing to the homeless of our fair capital city. Earlier today he was seen lending a hand (and a few bob maybe) to the poor disheartened souls of the Party of the Common Man (and woman). As you can see from the pics he does not appear to have changed his shirt since Tuesday. Perhaps he is broke and has auctioned his attire on a well known internet bargain finding site in order to pay next term's school fees? Maybe Sister Shagwell has finally succumbed to her inner darkest thoughts and nicked them all? Maybe someone on the weird wide wonderweb knows the truth...

The Sisters have heard a rumour that Tosser is down with the flu and the dynamic duo may be in the seat for his Radio 2 show on Saturday. This has not been confirmed, but as the Lord has nothing better to do....

Till the next time Sisters

Tennant x

The Time God is victorious!

Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

Well, what visions we have had of the Lord this week. This Sister has been o'ercome with joy and lustful thoughts brought on by delicious and varied combinations of beard, neck porn and velvet.

Our Lord *praise be his name and teninch* began this pervfest by braving the arctic conditions which nearly brought the country to its knees barely a week ago and venturing out amongst the great unwashed of the West End. Channelling John *sing me a song* Barrowman, He sat amongst his fellow luvvies at the Gala Opening of the Legally (I'm shagging a) Blonde Musical starring the fabulous Sheridan Smith and the former Time Lord and prospective dad-in-law, Peter *I've had xmas dinner with DT* Davison.

New bloomerage was required when the pictures emerged and the Sisters discovered that the Lord's visage was clad in more than designer stubble. Many theories were espoused as to why the beard had emerged including - insulation to keep him warm in the snow; a disguise to keep the more rampant fangirls away; and preparation for a part in  The Hairy Bikers. The Sisters, of course, know the truth. The beard returned because the Lord is first and foremost a Man and therefore too damn lazy to shave everyday if he doesn't actually have to. Some days he doesnt even change out of his pyjama bottoms. Not that the Sisters would complain about seeing that vision buying milk in his local Sainsburys ;)

And so to the main event. The Lord once more graced the National Ten-inch Television Awards yestereve. The lucky Black Velvet DJ was on show, teamed with a currently favoured black shirt this year. He clearly listened to the Sisters and left the albatross at home, so the Sisters were sure that the awards had his name on them.  Unbeknown to us, the Lord had been chosen to present an award to Sir Stephen of the Fry - a moment to be savoured - brains and beauty on the stage at the same time.

Of course, the Lord's adoring public had voted in their thousands to ensure that Doctor Who and the Lord of Pervitude *praise be his name and Ten-inch* were duly awarded their rightful statuettes. The hormonal harridans however, stole the award destined for Captain Slow and the TG boys. I think those Loose Women should look twice before crossing roads in the coming months.

The Lord seemed on particularly good form throughout the proceedings, enjoying a night off the leash. A mischievious look in his eye perhaps betrayed the fact that there had been much quaffing of cherryade in the green room. There was more quaffing at the after show party where, it was reported, Sir Bernard Cribbins congoed many young lovelies in the direction of the Lord. What time the Lord departed Greenwich and which particular lovely caught the attention of the ten-inch remains a closely guarded secret, but as you can see from the last picture... he was worn out the today!

And so I close with some news which was also imparted yestereve. The Lord has withdrawn his services from the little Simon Pegg tale of graverobbers. What this news portends remains clouded in supposition. Has he received a better offer, is NBC holding him to ransom, is he taking over from Wossy at auntie Beeb?Only Smarties have the answer! The rest of the fandom will just have to wait and see.

Till the next post Sisters!

Tennant x

In The Year of our Lord 2010

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

And so we start another year of the Sisters' blog. A year of uncertainty as to what our Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch* has up his most glorious sleeve and when and where we might see him next; a year of excitement rather than predictability; a year of expectation and anticipation. The Sisters are most looking forward to discovering where the Lord's new found freedom from taking care of the space/time continuum might take him both prefessionally and personally.

The Lord has begun the year by taking this new freedom and using it to preach to the great unwashed via that well-known geek bible *Doctor Who Magazine* The magazine is clearly purchased alongside their top shelf reading matter by some of the journos of Her Majesty's Gutter Press as the more red RedTops jumped on the bandwagon and republished his left of centre thoughts about Gordon being clever and Cameron only looking good in a suit! It was noted by the Sisters that the Holy Book of Sun (who have jumped ship in favour of the Tories) did not mention the Lord's words of wisdom!

The Sisters praise the Lord for his steadfast support of the Labour Party in the face of all those liberal luvvies. We do not condemn him for being a Champagne Socialist - He really can't help liking the pink fizzy stuff that Richard *I don't believe it* Wilson introduced him to at such a tender age. We have learned via the tweeting Thunderer journo that he was at a luvvie party on Friday night and fiercely campaigning on behalf of Gordon et al to all who would stand still long enough to listen to him. The Sisters wonder whether his next role will be Labour Election Campaign Front Man? Will we be seeing him on the 40" altar in this year's election broadcasts as he was in 2005? Let's hope so!

In this in-depth interview with the Lord in the blessed DWM, the Lord also speaketh unto the great unwashed on the T'interweb. He has requested that the hopes of the Child are not raised by those who sing her acting praises simply due to her proximity to the Lord as it's not nice when reality bites. Bless! The Sisters will of course assist the Lord in managing the behaviour of the Child by always telling it like it is. He would expect nothing less of us.

Late breaking news has reached the Sisters just as this post was going print that the cigar chewing executives of the Colonies little NBC channel have now witnessed the Lord's greatness in the Rex pilot and indeed commissioned a full series. So the Lord will shortly be jetting off to LALA land for some lengthy period of time. Time, we hope, that the Lord will put to good use *wink*.

One final call to arms Sisters, acolytes and followers, please do not forget to cast your vote for your Lord at the National Ten-inch Awards  (http://www.nationaltvawards.com/). We expect to see the Ten-inch up on the stage dressed in a tux receiving the accolades which are long overdue!

Till the next post!

Tennant x

2010 - The Lord moves on...

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and followers

Our (Time)Lord Ten *praise be his name and Tenninch* has finally passed the keys of the rusty Tardis to the toddler and is moving on. We thank him for the years of alien fighting, weekly magazine articles, full size posters and bendy action figures. Life will be different without seeing his face on cakes in Tesco and underpants in Asda, but the Sisters will survive.

We will follow his every step up the ladder towards that immortal accolade that all actors desire - an Oscar and a lifetime acheivement award at the BAFTAs. We will continue to faithfully report his deeds and misdeeds for the entertainment of ourselves and others. News of the Lord may be hard to come by this year as he sojourns in LA trying to conquer Hollyweird, but armed with our T'interweb followers across the Pond I am sure that he will not escape our sight for too long.

Keep the faith in 2010, I have consulted the Oracle and the Lord will returneth to the Sisters' bosoms by the end of this year. Do not believe the members of Her Majesties Gutter Press - they spread lies and misinformation and are in the pay of the Child and her snake of a father.

Normal Blog Service should return on Sunday 10th January - once this Sister has commiserated her birthday with a very large bottle of Baileys.

Tennant 2010 x

Merry Christmas to all Sisters, Acolytes and Followers

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! click on the last pic for an extra special Xmas pressie! :)

THE LORD *PRAISE BE HIS NAME AND TENINCH* IS BORN AGAIN!

Tennant xxx

The Twelve Days of Tennantmas

Dear Sisters, Acolytes and followers

As we approach the season of goodwill to all men and trolls, Sister Shagwell and I felt a Christmas song was in order. We have adapted a well known verse in honour of our Lord *praise be his name and ten-inch*

On the First day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
A Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Second day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Third day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Fourth day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Fifth day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Sixth day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Six kilted Scotsmen
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Seventh day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Seven Lads with Stubble
Six kilted Scotsmen
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Eighth day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Eight Fans a-fainting
Seven Lads with stubble
Six kilted Scotsmen
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Ninth day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Nine DI's dancing
Eight Fans a-fainting
Seven Lads with Stubble
Six kilted Scotsmen
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Tenth day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Ten (Time)Lords Leaving
Nine DI's dancing
Eight Fans a-fainting
Seven Lads with Stubble
Six kilted Scotsmen
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Eleventh day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Eleven Jeans a-bulging
Ten (Time)Lords Leaving
Nine DI's dancing
Eight Fans a-fainting
Seven Lads with Stubble
Six kilted Scotsmen
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

On the Twelfth day of Tennantmas, my true Lord gave to me
Twelve Bastard Faces
Eleven Jeans a-bulging
Ten (Time)Lords Leaving
Nine DI's dancing
Eight Fans a-fainting
Seven Lads with Stubble
Six kilted Scotsmen
Five Sonic Screwdrivers
Four Secret Smiles
Three Casanovas
Two Blackpools
and a Ten-inch in a Tardis

Happy Tennantmas to all Sisters, Acolytes and worshippers of our Lord Teninch everywhere! xxx

The Lord Sends Social Dis-services into Meltdown

Sisters and Acolytes

I bring to you news that will cause distress across the green and pleasant land of Blighty. Earlier in the week the Holy book of Sun published the sacred schedules for the Christmas perve fest. For the past few years this has not proved to be cause for concern. Our Lord (praise be his name and 10”) would deliver his Christmas present to Womankind at around 7.00pm. There would be a hush across the land as our beloved burst upon the 40” altar. For the next hour the Sisters and assorted member of the great unwashed would listen to his wise words and perve with wonderment at the many attributes possessed by one so divine. After the sermon had been delivered from the 40” altar the Sisters would then quickly rush to the confessional channel to see the Lord explain his actions.

This year could well shake up families over the festive period. The Lord has finally taken over Christmas and for this year it shall be known as Tennant’s Day. The Sisters have no objection to the world joining in with their celebration, however we do feel the need to warn the much maligned Social Care professional busy-bodies that the sacred schedules will be the cause for many families to be in peril this coming Tennant morn as the BBC have deemed it necessary to air the adventures of our beloved as the moody lil f*cker, Hammy at 9.00am! As young children awake to the delights of what Santa has brought it is not right that they see their own mothers rocking to and fro in front of the 40” altar, making strange noises as the Lord appears with the holy red T upon his frame. This could scar children for many years as bloomers across the country combust. By the time the Lord finishes with womankind they will be in no fit state to prepare Christmas lunch. I do believe that many families may be subject to TV dinners this year. This is where our over-paid and underworked colleagues in Social Care should appeal to the BCC and demand that Hammy be screened at a more appropriate time or they will have to drag themselves away from their own firesides to deal with families in crisis. £200.00 for working over the Christmas period is not worth the ear bashing they shall receive. As the Sisters know the SS are planning on LALA Land domination (LALA in this context is Local Authority, therefore they, and they alone, have it within their power to move Hammy to a more appropriate hour – think watershed people!

Later in the day the Lord will appear once more to begin the tale of his demise as the great Lord of Time. The Sisters will gather at the altar, with copious amounts of sacred wine and Kleenex. As Sister C has mentioned the Lord is omnipresent. Alongside the Buzzcocks appearance, QI, DW, Hammy, silver screen outings, etc, etc, etc…. the Sisters have learnt that the Lord is narrating the bedtime story this Tennant’s Eve. The Lord is indeed clever as he can read the nation’s youngest a story whilst he reads to the child. No doubt she will be too excited to sleep that night as Santa works his way around the planet. Wonder if it is a sack of coal or a new Barbie doll this year???

Social Services – expect this festive period to be busy. You have been warned.

The Lord of Time Victorious

Sisters

Well here we are, a week on from our Lord of Time *praise be his name and teninch* bending the laws of time unto His will and in the process setting in train the series of events which will ultimately lead to His own destruction.

Many parts of the world weird T'interweb are awash with spoilers and theories, trying to second guess what Sir Russell ('The Tease')Davies may have in store for us to follow our Roast Turkey microwave dinner on the fifth and twenty of December. You will get no such premature emmanations from the Sisters. We prefer to keep our powder dry and bow to the mighty RTD's wit and wisdom. We note with joyful pleasure that the Lord of Time has seen fit to name a Galaxy after one of the Sisters and has plucked a Tudor Rose. We await with great anticipation the return of the Masterful One and some old favourites being wheeled out again in what we are sure will be a fitting send off for the Tenth (and best) Doctor.

This week we have also had the Kiddies in Need appeal with our Lord making an impassioned plea for everyone to donate. Sadly, it seems that I misunderstood what our Lord was appealing for, and was most surprised when Social Services knocked at the door. It turns out he wanted me to donate money, not my 15 year old daughter! Easy mistake to make knowing our Lord's penchant for small, skinny, blonde drama queens!

If Twitterland is to be believed, the Lord went to support his mate John in La Cage Aux Folles earlier this week. I wonder whether the Lord himself fancies taking to the boards in high heels as his next career move. Remembering Davina, I'm sure he has the legs for it - maybe he could take over from Jason am-I-gay-or-not Donovan in Priscilla Queen of the Desert?

As the Sabbath draws to a close, the Lord still has another trip to LALA land to film Rex. Casting news and bits and pieces of the possible plotlines keep emerging which seem to suggest 2 love interests for the Lord - one an ex-fiancee and one an intern who has the hots for him. The Sisters are not taking bets on which one ends up in his bed!

Just in case you were thinking we had forgotten her, the Child pops up in Merlin next Saturday and her father was just on Miranda as a randy french teacher. Puts you off switching the telly on doesn't it!

Au revoir mes amies

Tennant x

The Lord is omnipresent

Sisters

Visions of the Lord have been many and wondrous this week.

As requested by the Sisters and Acolytes, the Lord donned the blessed brown velvet to cross swords with the sainted Graham of the Norton. He excited many beating fangirl hearts by daring to show a little leg as he made himself comfy next to Johnny *big man* Vegas on the plush red sofa. A sneak peek of the show has been previewed on YouDontTube and the Lord seems to be enjoying himself mightily as a poor wee thing gets snogged by the Vegas. Lucky girl, a snog from the Lord *praise be his name and Teninch* would have seen her being taken away on a stretcher!

The Lord was busy busy bust last week, hosting a special Never Mind The Buzzcocks with his mates Bernie (right said fred) Cribbins and Catherine (i'm not bovvered) Tate. It seems the Lord is becoming a panel show favourite - still waiting for his debut on Have I Got News For You - though I feel sure it cannot be long.

Of course the Lord is adept at many aspects of the media business. He turns his hand to radio broadcasting this week on Absolute Radio with the CO'C. No that's not our Oirish Sister - the other CO'C! I look forward to listening to his sultry scottish tones over the crackling MW car radio on my way to my place of work on Wed-Fri this week. I may be a little more perky when I arrive than usual!! I wonder how manic he will sound after the several expressos it will take to get him up for 5.30am!

And so at this, the close of the final Sunday before the country is flooded by the Waters of Mars, I offer a vision of the future. A vision so bright, it has to wear shades. A vision of the Lord in the tighty whitey fencing costume which had such a profound affect on the Sisters when viewed at close quarters in both Shakeyland and Londoom.

Lord be praised....

Lord be mighty....

Lord come here and take off me nighty!

Tennant Sisters x

...and the Lord did spake unto the Sisters

Sisters and Acolytes

I am sure that it cannot have escaped your notice that today marks the first day of the press junket which surrounds the appearance of the Waters of Mars on the 40" altar on 15 November 2009 at 7pm.

So it was that it came to pass that the Lord did appear to the world on the 40" Altar clad this very morn in a suit of finest grey stripes . He was free of stubble and looked fresh faced and relaxed in a room awash with floral tributes. He did speaketh to Penny of the Smiths and she did giggle and swoon like a wee girlie as properly befits a fangirl. He steadfastly remained tightlipped about the moment when he will ascend into the Heavens and be replaced by the Matty the Toddler - a time of mourning for the Sisters and a boom for Kleenex.

After taking his leave from the overcome Penny, He went from that place unto the screening of the Waters of Mars for the journos of her Majesties Gutter Press and TV where He deigned to speaketh to Colin (Mr Entertainment) Patterson from Aunty's little 5Live radio channel. He discussed many issues with the Lord including the housing arrangements of the mighty Russell T Davies, His recent visits to Hollyweird and where He will be spending xmas. It would seem that the issue of Xmas visitation rights are a topic of debate in the Tennant household at the moment (bearing in mind that 25 Dec is also the Child's birthday). The path of true love never runs more tricky than at Xmas time!!!

The Lord has apparantly also confessed today to be jealous of Matty the Toddler in his new role. I think this may have more to do with Matty having a sexier companion that the Lord ever did (sorry Billie, but Karen's skirt is wayyyyy shorter than anything you were ever given to wear) than the scripts!

May the junkets continue and may the pictures of the screening be many and varied in the coming days. The Sisters will be preparing for the 15th November in the usual manner - rubber sheeting, spare bloomers and extra large packet of minstrels. God Bless the Lord for it being shown on a Sunday night!

Until next time....Keeeeeep Drooooooling!!!

Tennant x

Glorious Teninch

Sisters

The T'interweb is humming with news that the Lord has greeted the great unwashed of Londoom tonight at the premiere of his new Big Screen outing in 'Glorious 39'.

The after-premiere party has moved to the Lord's favourite eating house - The Ivy - which as we speak is no doubt besieged by paps looking for that perfect picture. Of course, the Sisters' perfect picture would be the Lord leaving on his own!

To whet the appetite here are a couple of nice ones from earlier on.

Tennant x

Stop the Wedding!

Sisters and Acolytes

Winter is nigh! In the cold and dark of this Sunday morning, we mere mortals will attempt to tamper with the fabric of time and space itself in an attempt to gain an extra hour to perve our Lord *praise be his name and teninch* in the land of Nod. The time vortex that will be created around the world as we steal an extra hour of sleep will call the Lord forth in his Blue Box to the Sisters' 40" altar by Thursday this week. Once there, he will be called upon to assist his erstwhile companion Sarah Jane escape the clutches of the evil-doer Nigel Havers.

How many of us have dreamt of the day that we walk down the aisle clad in a gown of the purest white only to be whisked away at the very last moment by the Lord wearing a long "Hero" coat and Converses? What a wonderful premise for a piece of creative writing (hint hint Sister S). How pleased am I that Auntie Beeb has chosen this week of the blessed half term to broadcast the Lord in all his glory on the child-friendly spin-off from the Lord of Time's own show?

However, all is not well with the BBC. The Sisters were disappointed this week to hear that Children in Need will be the showcase for a trailer for the Lord's Christmas message to the nation. We were hoping for a live audience with the Lord *praise be his name and teninch* at the very least. The Sisters have been praying for some Davina-like shenanigans such as those delivered for Comic Relief earlier this year. Sadly, it seems this is not to be and we still need to wait a wee bit longer for the extra WOM Special for which the Beeb seems to have trouble finding a transmission slot.

So until SJA this week I will keep busy listening the Lord narrate Troubled Young Minds via the wondrous Iplayer and look out for tweets that confirm his return to this Blessed Isle from LALAland.

Tennant Sisters x

I am what I am

Sisters and Acolytes

This blog post started as a response to a comment on the previous post, but actually developed into a bit of a rant so I decided to make it a full post. It follows on from the anonymous comments we have been getting lately and a question posed to us.

Firstly to deal with the Anon posters, it seems we need to find a way to distinguish between our various "anonymous" readers (unless of course, we are dealing with a psychotic schizophrenic Troll addicted to blogging, who is clearly beyond the help of any Doctor!) I suggest we use the Cat in the Hat methodology that our enamoured Lord has shown he is so fond of. In this way the anonymous Troll becomes Thing 1 and the other anonymous poster becomes Thing 2. Sallee remains as Anon Sallee as she identified herself!

So in answer to Thing 2, I have been pondering your question whilst trying to restore peace to LAlaland today and I can truthfully say that I don't actually hate the Child. Certainly not in the way that I HATE the BNP for example, or sprouts for that matter.

My feelings for the Child, such as they are, are somewhat more complex than that. I have listed below some of the things that I find disturbing, annoying, disappointing etc to the degree that I feel the need to write about it here:

1) Her "talent" is over-rated and a cynic might think that she has seized an opportunity to use the Lord as a career boost and meal ticket.

2) The apparant ease by which she can leave her young son in the care of others while she jets off to enjoy a week playing in a family-oriented theme park with said Lord is abhorrent to me. I have a son the same age as hers and do not share her ideas about the responsibility of parenthood

3) Since the start of this relationship the Lord seems to have regressed from a man aged in his mid thirties to a teenager ruled by his nether regions rather than his brain. His career has suffered - one only has to look at the awards he has won since the relationship began compared to the previous 2 years...

4) The Lord's future career is suffering from his association with children. His peers do not seem to see him as serious dramatic actor (despite his previous roles in Recovery, Secret Smile and Hammy) his new offerings being St Trinians 2 and a Simon Pegg comic/drama. He is soooo much better than this.

With regards to why I write about her at all, well all i can say is that this IS a Blog. It is specifically a Blog about David Tennant, his lusciousness, his stubble, his predilictions, his foibles and his faults. The Child is very much a part of His life as much as his dog would be if he had one. We comment on his clothes, his chosen mode of transport and his choice of eating establishments. It is a stream of consciousness from the Sisters - the type of conversation we would have in a pub over a bottle or two of Pinot Grigio if we lived nearer to each other. To find Acolytes who want to be part of this conversation has increased the fun of the blog, but if we never had any followers we would still post.

I apologise to all for the seriousness of this blog post. I felt the need to commit all of the above to the esoteric T'interweb and get it out of my own personal headspace. I then have room for more perving with the imminent return of our Lord from across the Pond and the prospect of SJA in half-term which rather conveniently I have booked as leave!

Expect a more Sister-like Blogpost at the weekend.

Tennant for now

Sister C xxx

Has the Lord declared a period of Purdah?

Dear Sisters

It seems that the Lord has gone into hiding this week as there have been no sightings of Him *praise be his name and ten-inch* since the Sisters commented on his freeloading and frequent attendance at Premieres on a school night.

There is talk that He may be in LALAland once again - racking up those debits against his carbon credits for driving a Toymota Penis.

There has also been a rumour that he will be starring with the Editor, Simon Pegg as a Victorian BodySnatcher. Leaves room for plenty of double entendres n'est-ce pas? I will make the most obvious comment - he can snatch my body (or body my snatch) anytime he likes!

So this is a short Blog this week as we await His return - maybe he will join the Scousers at the showing of the SJA adventures? Sister S - perhaps you can enlighten us?

On a final note, I would like to thank the Anonymous Troll - Not only am I its favourite apparantly (and you have NO idea of the talent that I truly possess) but since it chose to spew its bile on our pages we have increased our followers. As they say in The Business - all publicity is good publicity!!!

Tennant xxx

The Sisters Perform a Public Service

Sisters, Acolytes and T'interweb Followers (and the lovely FiatPanda!)

We have arrived in October and the Sisters have been reminiscing about a certain Hallowe'en weekend last year spent in the company of Our Lord *praise be his name and Teninch*. Personally I have purged from my memory an episode of public singing and the morning after effects of the very large Vodka poured by a fellow Sister. Apart from that however, memories of flouncy shirts, velveteen pants, red T shirts and tighty, whitey fencing tops are to the fore in our minds this month.

Almost a year on from our road trip to Stratford and the Sisterhood is still performing a public service in educating the unwashed of the weird wide web to the delights of our Lord and converting them to the Fellowship of Pervitude. Indeed, our public service role has been brought into sharp focus this week with the pleading of our tweeting acolytes to publicise some Lord Teninch related activities of their own. In a marked departure from the norm, the Sisters have conversed and agreed on this occasion to cede part of the blog over to the acolytes. So this is for them....

Fans of St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold in United States are joining together to Demand that St Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold perform in United States. Click on the link to join the fray or just find out more http://tiny.cc/6XzyO

Hey David, Take Your Shirt Off! The Scottish actor David Tennant, best known for his role as the Tenth Doctor on the British sci-fi show, Doctor Who, is considered by fans the world over to be extremely talented, undoubtedly charismatic and very sexy! We, the undersigned, ask that Mr. David Tennant give serious consideration to the idea of having his highly aesthetically-pleasing physique photographed in a 'shirtless, jeans & barefoot' photoshoot for both posterity and the visual appeal of fans worldwide. Click here to pile on the pressure http://tinypetition.com/shirtlessdtpicshoot

OK that's your lot. Normal Service is resumed.

In the rest of the news this week. It is clear to the Sisters that the Lord has too much time on his hands as he has been living it up with the luvvies (and loving it up with the Child if Her Maj's Gutter Press are to be believed). He has been oot o'town with John Simm and Ricky Gervais at press nights and premieres. The Child was given special dispensation to stay up late on a school night to go see Speaking in Tongues. And judging by the pics above - she learnt her lessons well!

The Sisters wonder if the Lord has become so desperate for a job that he will soon be seen at every opening of an envelope or even maybe an appearance on Loose Women might be forthcoming. He is clearly concerned that unless he is seen at least 3 times a week in Londoom's West End he will be cast aside in the acting profession for a newer model (the Toddler? the Vamp? the speccy Wizard maybe?). We would like to reassure our Lord that our servitude will never wane and even when he is destitute and in the home for aged and befuddled thespians he can rely on our support and constant offers to come and sit by his bedside and *entertain* him.

I come to the end of this week's rambling, but I feel I cannot sign off without a thought for our Oirish Sister. We are missing her deeply and wish she would revisit the motherhouse as we feel certain that a tall scottish skinny Lord can heal her woes and return her to her former glory. Our prayers are with you Sister.

Tennant x

Sartorial elegance...?

Sisters, Acolytes and stubble lovers of the T'interweb,

The leaves are turning golden, the nights are closing in and the weather has turned colder so I thought we all needed a bit of Gorgeous Lord Tenninch to cheer us up.

Firstly, a pic from his recent Tour de Force on the otherwise dreadful Christian O'Connell Solution show wearing a very familiar flowered shirt. You may notice however, that the Lord's shirt is even more tight fitting than usual. Whilst the glimpse of flesh from between buttons is most pleasing to my eye, it does lead me to wonder whether our Lord has been partaking too freely of the harvest festival offerings left for *resting* actors at the Church of the Latter Day Luvvies - aka the Ivy. If that is not the reason, then maybe he forgot to turn the washing machine down after boil washing the Child's nappies and bibs and shrank his best shirts. This could also explain why he was spotted in North London last week wearing an old grandad cardi which could only have been purchased in the nearest Help the Aged charity shop.

Moving swiftly past the latest fashion disaster, earlier this week I stumbled upon a sight so stunning that it left me in need of a nebuliser and several pairs of new bloomers. The pictures show the Lord preparing to preach to the great unwashed in LA LA Land. As you can see, his words of wisdom are written on parchment and he is sitting in the Great Wooden Throne of Hollyweird awaiting the arrival of the masses.

The pictures also show our Lord hanging around the back door of some hostelry or den of ill repute. Presumably, this was so that he could take the ladies of the night to one side and convert them to the ways of the Lord Tenninch and so forever save their souls. Praise be to the dedication of our Lord in his relentless search for willing converts. The Sisters are proud to be amongst his congregation and look forward to taking their turn in the Promised Land (somewhere not far from The Broadway, North London).

And so, good followers on the T'interweb we come to the part of the blog where we have to mention the "C" word. I realise that using this word causes much distress with grown women being known to start a-weeping and a-wailing and contemplating homicide. Nevertheless, the C word has become a familiar, if unwelcome, aspect to the Lord's life and as such we must comment on it in the same vein as his taste in clothes, cars and music (proclaimers and Kaisers excepted). So, we all cheered when the Child fell down a burning lift shaft in eppy 2 of Casualty - only to be dealt a cruel blow by hearing that she is to be re-incarnated as a medieval fairy in Merlin. I will spare your feelings by not publishing the photographic evidence of this travesty - e'en though the Lord was on set to see his buddies Richard and Anthony do their stuff in La France. As one of our dedicated Acolytes commented - Lets hope the Dragon is hungry for small blondes!

Well thats about your lot for now. September is rapidly coursing towards October and the marriage of Sarah Jane. Before we know it, Xmas will be upon us and Kleenex will make their best profits in a decade.

Tennant Sisters, may your bloomers always need changing. x

Summer Madness

Dear Sisters and Acolytes

I see we have reached out and touched some new acolytes this month and we warmly welcome them all into the family of pervitude. We hope you have finally found your spiritual home and will remain perving happily till the end of your days. If not, and you find the Sisterhood less than you had hoped for, then good riddance and don't let the door hit you on your way out!

As the Summer draws to a close and the final Bank Holiday approaches (and I have to ask why the Banks need any more holibobs with what they have done to t'country - but I digress) the Sisters' minds turn to the Lord (praise his name and 10") and how he might take us into the darkest of winters this year.

So in no particular order this is what we can look forward to:

Doctor Who - Waters of Mars; Nightmares Reign; and the End of Time as well as the little sister show The Greatest Moments;

Hamlet - 3 hours of the Mardy Dane talking to a ghost with a few murrrrderrrrrrs thrown in;

St Trinians - The Lord Tenninch romping around in an all girls boarding school with a transvestite and Mr Darcy;

QI - The Lord showing his spoddy side and talking about sex a lot

Along with a radio spot with his mate Christian talking about gardening and relationships sort of 'Jeremy Kyle for Luvvies'.

No doubt there will be many short appearances on such shows as Breakfast News, GMTV, The One Show, and of course with this mate Wossy, as he plugs all these various projects.

Those acoloytes who live across the Pond will also have PBS (Masterbate) Masterpiece to look forward to shortly.

Announcements of future projects (such as the Riddler and the Hobbit) have yet to be made, so we can only assume that as September approaches, the Lord is once more claiming job-seekers allowance and will be forced into posing for the new Anne Summers catalogue, or even worse, doing voiceovers for Tesco and Argos to make ends meet. We will wait and see.

In the meantime the Lord himself, as some of you spotted, has been celebrating the end of the Summer by attending the V Festival last week. He (and his 10") was bitterly disappointed to discover that the Festival consisted of a series of slebs playing instruments and singing in tents rather than nubile young Virgins as he had expected. As you can see from the photographs, he did try his luck for a threesome with James Corden and his girlfriend but was put off by the voyeur sat next to them.

Whilst the Lord was trying to put his 10" in any sleb hole he could find, the Child and the Elf spent their time in the creche alongside Pixie Lott, Peaches Geldoff and Lily Allen making tiaras and decorating paper plates with different types of dried pasta . The Lord only met up with them once the Boys Who Proclaim had done their set and he had shagged all the women on the site.

Autumn will of course find the Lord alone in London as the Child will be moving to Cardiff next week to begin work on that long-running hospital drama assuming she can improve her reading to Key Stage 2 level so that she can say trachiotomy and order an MRI and C-Spine scan. We assume that she will have some love interest with a senior consultant and leave after 6 months to go work in Africa/have a love child/commit suicide. While she is away comparing shagging notes with the female payroll of BBC welsh wales, the Sisters will make their way to a certain street in North London and comfort the Lord in his solitude. And the Lord will be MOST grateful, several times a night.

This Sister is now signing off until September as I am needed to preach to the great unwashed in the Eastern part of the country.

Tennant x

If Carlsberg did news stories....

TENNANT OUTED

Timelord turns Gaylord....

by Shhhitt Stare-er

"The Child" was in hiding from fangirls world wide after it was revealed her ex lover, David Tennant, announced he was homosexual...

Tennant made the statement via his new Twitter account that he could no longer jump the bones of someone who is barely old enough to stay up after 9pm. He also admitted to shagging the entire female payroll at BBC Wales - twice, and had worked his way though the A-Z of the female Actors' guide, therefore men were his only option.

Relatives of "The Child", desperate for column inches in any of the publications of her majesty's Gutter Press have made it known that they are very disappointed with the former Lord of Time as he was their meal ticket to the media spotlight. (who where they again?) If anyone is really interested in what mardy arse has to say please contact the 7 mobile, 15 email accounts or any of the 27 telephone numbers below. Supermarkets opened for £3.50, After-dinner speaking, £5.00

The Holy Sisters of Pervitude have commented it was no surprise that Tennant, 38, had come out of the closet as they believed Mardy Arse, aged 6, had drained the life out of their Love. Sister Chastity of the Holy Order produced photographic evidence of the couple at various functions looking thoroughly miserable in each other's company. However, at the recent Comic Con event in LALA Land where Tennant travelled alone with Jonny Toss and his nubile daughters, there was a positive air of happiness about him. Speaking from the 40" altar, the Sisters believe that their beloved has not looked so lush in a lonnnnnnnnnnng time.

The Sisters have offered their condolences to the rest of female fandom, vowing to assist those in deepest distress in hunting down the little witch. Reports from T'other side claim that many hormonal kiddies have chucked their teddies out of the pram, some have even gone as far as to declare their devoted love to the Toddler of the Tardis. Sister Chastity assuredDavid that they will be waiting for his return to flue inspection duties once he comes to his senses.

Meanwhile John Barrowman who has been comforting the Scot during this emotional time has denied rumours that he and Tennant were in talks with Hollyweird to star in Mounty 10" Python's "Arse Bandits". Barrowman threw the biggest "outing" known to Scotland in an attempt to cheer up his friend. In attendance were Stephen Fry, Paul O'Grady, Will Young, Russell T Davies, Jimmy Sommerville, George Michael, Elton John, Ian McKellan, Allan Cumming, Alan Carr and the Village People. However reports say that Tennant disappeared with a blonde and a brunette woman...

Business as usual???